Chapter 11 - Paging Buddy Holly:
I sat nervously in front of Coach McBride’s office, mindlessly tapping my nails on the side of the plastic chair. I could hear him talking loudly into the phone and part of me hoped he would just keep talking forever. The Coach and I don’t have a real great history together. It all started back in ninth grade when I showed up in his P.E. class – a little chubby, a little uncoordinated and a lot dorky. He could tell immediately I was not going to be one of his athletic all-stars and it went downhill from there. During our football unit he nailed me in the back of the head with a football (he swears it was an accident, I swear he had excellent aim and always has), during softball I got stuck running laps around the field for an entire hour because I struck out twice, and during track and field he chased me on the mile run until I threw up. Although I did finish under seven minutes, a fact which he seemed to take immense pleasure from.

“Next?” He filled the doorway despite his dwarfish proportions.

But that’s all water under the bridge now, right? Because he also happens to be Van’s cross county coach. “Um, coach?” I squeaked.

He squinted at me. Maybe he didn’t remember me. It’s possible – he probably tortured lots of ninth graders to tears that year. “Ms. Mitchell. Good to see you. Can you walk and chew gum at the same time yet?” He laughed heartily and I felt a little ill. Ok, so he remembered me. Oblivious to my pallor, he ushered me into his office and pulled out a chair. “What can I help you with?”

“It’s about Van, sir.” I never address anyone as sir but strangely this tiny shrew of a man commands the title without saying a word. “Er, Donovan. He runs cross country?”

“Mr. Winters. Ah, yes. I was so sad to lose him.” He actually did look sad and it occurred to me that he probably wasn’t mean to kids he liked.

“Well, um, I don’t think you should have kicked him off the team. After all, the charges were dropped and there’s no record or anything.” I said it as quickly as I could, never meeting his beady little eyes.

“Charges? Huh?” He looked genuinely confused. “What are you talking about?”

“Didn’t you kick Van off the team this morning?” I knew he had. Practically the whole school was talking about it. Except Van, of course, who wasn’t at school today.

“I had to excuse Mr. Winters from the team because of his refusal to take the written portion of the State Qualifying Exam.” He looked sternly at me. “Which I was not happy about either. He was out-and-out our best chance for a medal at State this year.”

Now it was my turn to be confused. “He wouldn’t take a test?” Why did I feel like I had heard this before? Oh yeah, because I had.

He shrugged, “It’s required of every runner in the state. Just a simple little test really – rules and regs stuff mostly – but he flat out refused to take it. I believe his exact words were ‘never bow to the man.’” Squinting at me, he shook his head. “I don’t know anything about any charges, dropped or otherwise, and,” he held up a finger as if to silence me, “I don’t want to either. If he’s in some kind of trouble, tell him he’ll work it out best on the trail or the track. That’s all.” Dismissing me with a curt wave, he looked back down at his papers. As I stood to go he looked up again. “Ms. Mitchell?”

“Um, yes. Sir.”

“If you talk to him, tell him to just take the dag-blasted test already and get back in his runners. I’m not the kind to beg but this is where he belongs.”

………

Lining up row after row of our newest scent, Appleberry Butternut Blossom with Silicon Tincture, I found my light suddenly blocked by a large shadow over my shoulder.

“Well it certainly smells good enough to eat – wonder what it tastes like?” Before I could stop him, Van scooped a dollop out of the tester jar and popped it in his mouth. Gagging, he spit it back into his hand. “I think the peachgingerwhatevers were rotten,” he scraped comically at his tongue as I handed him a paper towel.

“All better?” I laughed. I couldn’t help it. He just brings it out in me.

“Not hardly,” he made another face. “They really ought to put warning labels on those things.”

“Um, they do.” I tapped the back of the bottle. “Not for human consumption.”

“Heh. Right.” He hugged me and kissed me with vigor. “Well at least it made my lips all moisturized right?”

I giggled, looking around for my boss. Thankfully she was busy helping customers at the front of the store. “I’m not sure, I’d better check again.”

After he obliged a couple more times, he tugged on my hand. “So when do you get off?”

I sighed. “Not until closing, but I’m overdue for my break. Wanna grab a pretzel in the food court?”

“Anything to get rid of the passionaloebottom taste! That stuff really lingers.”

“So, when are you going to take the State Qualifying Exam?” I asked casually, once we were sitting comfortably, nibbling off the same pretzel.

“Oh… the 7th of never,” he replied just as casually. I wondered if he’d heard about my little appeal to Coach McBride.

“Why are you being so stubborn?” I demanded, letting my emotion show a little. “Just take the test and kick the pants off all the other runners at State okay?”

“Hmmm,” he seemed to be considering my suggestion, “tempting, but I’ve seen those guys in the locker room and their hairy butts are the last things I want to be looking at as I lap them.”

“Ha ha. Seriously.”

“Seriously. You want proof? I’ll sneak you in the locker room. Trust me, you’ll want to poke your eyes out.”

“Van!” I said, the warning evident in my voice.

“What’s the big deal?” he tore off another piece of pretzel and grinned. “It’s not like I can’t still run, you know. Last I heard, that was still free.”

“What’s the big deal? What about the fact that I know you loved being on that team more than anything?”

“Not more than anything,” he winked at me and tickled my leg under the table.

It was hard but I ignored him. “You’ll be letting your whole team down.”

“They’ll survive.”

“There will be college scouts there!”

“Leigh, no one in my family has ever attended college.”

“So?”

“So, I’m not one to go against centuries of Winters family tradition.” He made a funny face at me, “Don’t want to bring down the pox on my head, heh heh.”

My break was up so I stood, wiping my hands on my apron. He followed my lead and we walked in silence around the outside of the mall, to the back door of the Body Store. The cold air chilled me immediately and did nothing for my mood either. “You’re throwing away the opportunity of a lifetime,” I grouched, trying one last time.

“Frankly, I don’t see why you care,” he said quietly but sternly, stubbing his toe against the brick wall.

This time it flowed naturally. “Because I love you.”

His head shot up in surprise and delight. “Really? Are you serious? I mean, you’ve thought about it and…?” Picking me up, he swung me around, whooping the whole time.

“Whoa there, cowboy. I didn’t say I’d marry you or anything.”

“It doesn’t matter. Just that you love me!” He yelled to the dark sky, “Did you hear that world? Somebody loves me! She really loves me!”

“And I love you too much to let you screw up your life like this,” I said touching his cheek softly.

He dropped me like a rock. “What?”

“You are too good of a person to be stuck bagging groceries and delivering flowers for the rest of your life. This is your chance! Take the test, Van. Go to college. Show your family what they’re missing. Make a life for yourself.”

“You don’t understand, Leigh,” his voice was filled with a sudden rage that both confused and frightened me. “I can’t.”

“Yes, you can! You are one of the most talented people I’ve ever met! You can do anything you want to do!” Why was he being so obstinate about this? “If you want us to have any kind of future together you are going to have to get over this adolescent hatred of all authority.”

He was literally trembling by the time I finished my little speech that was intended to be motivating but seemed only to infuriate him further. “I don’t have a rich family like you do,” he growled, taking a step closer to me.

Feeling defensive, I shot back, “So? Get a scholarship. It’s been done before.”

“You just don’t get it. I don’t have options like you do.” His nostrils flared and there was an intensity in his eyes I’d never seen before.

I took a step backward, feeling the bricks behind my shoulder blades. “You could, if you just wanted to.”

“It’s not a matter of ‘just wanting to.’ I can’t!” he yelled, hands clenched at his sides.

“You can!” I yelled back. Why couldn’t he just see that? It was so simple. I had thought that telling him I loved him would make things better but they seemed to be quickly deteriorating.

“I can’t,” he shrieked in a voice I didn’t even recognize. His fist shot out lightening fast, smashing into the bricks next to me.

I screamed and jumped out of the way as his fist came slamming back down again and again. “Stop! What are you doing?” I begged as he pummeled the wall, leaving skid marks of flesh behind with every blow. “Stop it!” I tried again, the tears streaking down my face like the blood from his hands raining down on the pavement. “I love you,” I sobbed, “I love you.” I probably shouldn’t, but I can’t help it now.

Stopping suddenly, as if physically jerked to his senses, he stared at his bloodied hands. Then he looked at me, crouched against the door crying my guts out, and finally had the good sense to look horrified. “What have I done?” he whispered.

The spell broken, I jerked the door open and escaped inside, back to the world of bright lights, neat rows and heady perfumes.

………

“It’s an olive branch,” I said flatly as I read the tag around the tiny tree in front of me. I looked up at Van standing hopefully at the foot of the stairs. “Literally.” I was trying to look stern but a small smile twitched across my lips. Nothing like the physical manifestation of a pun to warm a girl’s heart. He saw it and a large relieved one mirrored it on his face.

Bounding up the steps to sit next to me, he added, “And symbolically too. It means…”

“Peace. Yeah, I know that one.”

Katie rolled her eyes and huffed loudly. Stella and Wally just looked interested. I hadn’t told them about Van’s arrest or about the fight with the wall – keeping them a secret seemed like the most natural thing to do – but I was beginning to feel the weight of it. “Can you give us a minute, guys?”

“Why do we have to move?” Katie whined. “You two leave. Go stand by your locker or something.”

“Yeah, but don’t go any farther than that or we won’t be able to eavesdrop,” Wally added and Stella giggled.

“No, no, stay you guys,” he waved royally. “Hey Katie, wanna see something cool?” She looked dubiously at him, not saying anything, but I could tell she was curious. “Check this out!” He pulled his arm out of his t-shirt and turned to show her his left shoulder blade. A circular angry red scar, still freshly crusted, glared from his pale skin.

“Ewwww!” she drew back horrified. “Is that…?”

“A burn?” Stella finished, wrinkling her nose but coming in for a closer look anyhow.

Wally was impressed. “Is that a body brand? I’ve heard that like totally kills.”

Van grinned. “It is and it does.”

“You did that to yourself on purpose?” Katie looked utterly revolted now. “Forget what I said before. You guys stay here. I can’t finish my lunch now anyways.” Standing up, she motioned Stella and Wally to follow her. “We’ll wait for you by Senora Angel’s.”

As soon as they were out of earshot, I turned on Van. “What did you do?”

He laughed, “I knew that would work.”

“This isn’t funny,” I stared at the palm-sized imprint.

“You can touch it if you want, it’s okay.”

“Put your shirt back on! I don’t want to!” Once it was safely out of sight, I sighed, “Why did you do that?”

“It’s a yin-yang, you know the Chinese symbol for peace and balance. I figured I, uh, needed a permanent reminder of that.”

“This is about last night?” I gasped. “You so did not have to do that.”

“It was my penance of sorts. Plus, Cole and Jimmie had a really good time doing it.” I rolled my eyes and sighed. We sat quietly for a long minute. “I’m really sorry,” he said softly and I knew he meant it.

I nodded and fiddled with the olive branch. “We’re not fighting, you know.”

He raised an eyebrow. “No?”

“No. I was just scared, that’s all. Really scared.”

“I know, I know,” he said soothingly and put his arm around me. “I’m so sorry. I was totally out of line and I know that. I, well, you just hit on a really sensitive nerve but that doesn’t justify what I did. Well, what I guess I’m trying to say is that I’m trying to be a better person but old habits die hard. Still, that won’t happen again.”

“It better not.”

“I can’t promise you.” I looked sharply at him. “I want to promise but it’s just, well, it’s ingrained in me. I promise you I will try my best. I promise you that you will never see me do that again. And most of all, I promise you that I would never hit you. Never.”

I blinked. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah.”

He sighed with relief and smiled at me. “So you wanna hit the Vague Prophet show tonight with me? It’s downtown, in a real club.”

I laughed. “Yeah, sure.” And actually, the thought of just going to a show with my boyfriend on a Friday night was really appealing. It was almost…normal.

“Halley, Jimmie, Cole - everybody’s coming. Thought we’d stop at Denny’s afterwards, make a night of it.”

“Sounds fun.”

………

“You’re sure there’s not going to be any alcohol at this concert?” Katie asked parentally.

“And if there is, can you bring me some?” Stella snapped her gum and laughed.

I rolled my eyes. I’d already explained to them many times that this was a hardcore show and that the band was sXe, the crowd was sXe, even the promoter was sXe. “There will be no alcohol.” I pulled on a tight brown tee with the words “sXe girl” emblazoned across the back. A triple X in red covered my left hip in the front.

“That’s hideous,” Katie said as if I had asked for her opinion.

“I don’t get it,” Stella said, bored, as I pulled on a brown hooded sweatshirt.

“It’s sexy.”

“Well, I guess if Van thinks so…” she said doubtfully.

“No, one of the ways you pronounce sXe is ‘sexy’.”

“Ohhhhh.”

“Although he bought the shirt for me so I’m guessing he probably likes it too.”

“Glad you two have each other, then,” Stella giggled.

“You sure you guys don’t want to come?” I offered but was relieved when they both immediately turned me down.

“Nope, it’s the monthly P.M.S. party tonight. Can’t believe you’re going to miss it! It’s an evening with Orlando Bloom.”

“What? You want me to ditch a real-life hottie for a fantasy one that I have to share with you two? No thanks.”

“How are things with your ‘real-life hottie’ anyhow?” Katie asked simply.

“Yeah, you used to never shut up about him and lately we haven’t heard two words about our favorite grocery boy,” Stella added.

For a brief moment, I toyed with the idea of telling my “best” friends everything. It would feel so good to let it out but then, I knew how crazy it would all sound and by association, how crazy I would sound. Then they would tell me I had to break up with him. I know I would say it, if the situation were reversed. No, it was too late in the game to let them in. The realization left me feeling cold and lonely in the bright room. “He’s great,” I said and tried to mean it.

I could tell they didn’t believe me, especially Katie, but they didn’t call me on it. We all stared at each other for a moment, feeling the pull of our lives drawing us apart. A car honked. “Bye,” I waved to them and ran out of the room. I didn’t want to be late.

………

The show was a dark, sweaty, pulse-pounding adrenaline rush. Vague Prophet was as good as I’d heard they were and the crowd was electric – the circle was the fiercest I’d seen yet. By the time it was over, everyone was in a rare mood. Jubilant was the best word I could come up with as we walked loudly over to the late-night diner for fries and shakes.

“Everyone here?” I asked as we squished way too many people into the sticky plastic booth. It had been hard to keep track of everybody in the packed club but now, here in the restaurant; it was easy to see who was with us and who wasn’t. The regulars – truckers sipping their coffee, a few vagrants, a handful of students – all stared openly at our dark bunch. I noted with some satisfaction that the only people who looked officially weirder than we did were a couple of middle aged guys at a center table decked out with Jedi robes and light sabers. Sad, really.

“More than everyone,” Jimmie laughed like a hyena. “I think we even picked up a few strays.” A couple of people I didn’t know laughed with him.

“Wait,” Van said, pulling me up on his lap to make more room, “where’s Kyle and Cole?”

“Kyle’s in the john,” Pete said. “But I haven’t seen Cole since…” his brow wrinkled. “Anybody seen Cole tonight?”

I shook my head. Not that I’d been looking for him. We’d had a tacit agreement of avoidance ever since Fight night. Halley looked suddenly concerned. “I haven’t seen him since this morning.”

Van met her eyes and raised his eyebrow quizzically. “This morning?”

“Yeah, he caught me on my run. He was driving but too buzzed to be doing so, in my opinion, so I drove him back to Jimmie’s.”

“That son of a -” Jimmie made a face, “I don’t want no poison in my house!”

I rolled my eyes. Halley didn’t say anything. “You guys talk?” Van asked.

Halley nodded. “Yeah, he was in a really strange mood too.” She looked more worried now. “I’m kind of concerned about him. He said -”

“Aww, stop it you two,” Jimmie chided. “He’s fine. He’s probably just sleeping it off somewhere. This show’s not really his kind of gig anyhow, you know?”

“Yeah,” Halley said, but she looked unconvinced.

Then our waitress showed up and everyone forgot about Cole as we all pooled our change and ordered. Which caused a loud argument between Jimmie and one of the newcomers about whether one could be edge and drink caffeine. It was an old argument and one I was tired of hearing about so I turned to Halley. “How’s it going?”

“Great!” She smiled at me, her flushed cheeks and sparkling eyes attesting to the truth of it.

“Yeah?” I dropped my voice, “You and Jimmie have really seemed to been doing better these days.”

“Totally,” she bit her lip and lowered her voice too. “I think this time was really it for him, you know? He hit rock bottom and now there’s nowhere but up for us.”

I grinned back; her happiness was infectious. “I’m so happy for you. Seriously.”

“What about you and Van, our favorite cute couple?” The way she said it, the genuine spark of interest in her eyes, the conspiratorial tilt of her head, all made me feel like I could tell her anything. It was the exact opposite of the way I had felt earlier tonight with Katie and Stella. I laughed a little and shook my head. “What?” Halley asked.

“It’s just…so good to have a friend,” I replied. “I’ve missed having someone to talk to, that’s all.”

“I know,” she hugged me. “It’s totally fate or providence or whatever - I’m so glad I have you too. So what do you want to talk about?” I glanced sideways at Van and then back at her. “Ohhh.” She gave me a knowing look and stood up. “Boys? Us girls are going for a little walk, okay?”

Out on the sidewalk, I started quickly, the words coming easily to me now. “You’ve known Van a long time, right?”

An hour passed by quickly. Halley didn’t seem too surprised by Van’s arrest and even seemed to think it a small thing compared to his past. She was actually relieved to hear that he’d only been punching bricks the night before and not somebody’s face. “Yeah, Van’s fighting some powerful demons from his past but all in all he’s one of the good ones, Leigh. Hold onto him.”

I grinned. That had been exactly what I had wanted to hear. “Thanks, just needed a little perspective I guess.” We’d made our loop around the city block again, coming up on Denny’s. We could hear the yelling all the way down the sidewalk where we were.

“Whoa,” Halley said and stopped walking. “What’s going on?”

A sick feeling stirred in the pit of my stomach. “Come on,” I grabbed her arm and ran for the restaurant. As we approached, I could see Van standing just inside the glass doors. The source of the yelling was a man, the manager I guessed from his tie, standing in front of him. Van didn’t appear to be responding or even moving, just staring at his feet.

Halley and I burst in the doors just as Jimmie and the others came out. We all met in the noisy middle. “What happened?” I grabbed Jimmie’s arm.

He shrugged me off, yelling back at the manager, “Dude, see this? We’re leaving! Step off already!” Spit flew from his mouth and his eyes sparked. Instinctively, I took a step back.

“What about my bathroom?” the guy yelled, gesticulating wildly in the direction of the restrooms.

“Your freaking bathroom is fine. It’s just a dent, no harm done.” Jimmie was speaking slower now, softer, and the effect was chilling. “Right?”

“What?” The manager huffed and threw his hands up in the air. “Just a dent? It’s a freaking hole! In the wall!” A hole in the wall? I stared at Van, still standing motionless, surrounded by his friends.

“Holes patch up,” Jimmie replied, a wicked grin across his face. “Other things, like bones, may not.”

“I should call the cops!” The manager said loudly but took a few steps backward.

“But you won’t,” Jimmie said softly. I felt someone grab my hand. It was Halley. We shared a tense silent glance as the circle around Van tightened up.

“Just get out,” the manager growled, “all of you. And don’t ever come back.” With that, he stepped back inside and made a show of locking the inner set of doors.

I hadn’t realized I was holding my breath until it all came rushing out in a long exhale. Jimmie laughed, then Kyle and Pete, and finally everyone else. Even I laughed a little bit although I have to admit mine was more from nerves than humor. The only person who wasn’t laughing was Van. He wasn’t saying a word.

“Come on,” I grabbed his hand. It slipped out of mine and lay limply at his side but he followed me out into the cold night anyhow. “What happened in there?” I asked him sternly as we trailed the others. He didn’t reply, didn’t look at me. “Van,” I sighed. “Did you punch a hole in the bathroom wall?” He nodded once, curtly, as he shuffled slowly along beside me. “Why did you do that?” I gasped, wanting to shake him. He gave me just the smallest shrug. I gave up asking questions after that and walked silently along next to him until we got to the van.

“What’s wrong?” Halley hissed as I crawled past her to the back. I shook my head and took a seat in the farthest back corner. Van climbed in and took the seat next to me, laying his head in my lap. I put my hand lightly on his back. It was so tense I could’ve bounced quarters off it.

“You okay?” I whispered, stroking his hair. He didn’t answer but I thought I felt a small shake of his head.

He lay catatonic like that for the first half hour of the hour-plus drive back to Jimmie’s. Then he started to cry. At first, it was just a small trembling in his shoulders, then full body shudders culminating with a rush of hot, wet tears soaking into my jeans. “Van, Van,” I tried to sound soothing but I was getting very worried. I’d never seen him cry like this and especially not in front of people. Soon the whole van was taking turns sneaking looks at us. I tried again, “What’s wrong? What happened?”

“Stop!” he bellowed suddenly, jerking upright.

“What?”

“Just stop!” he screamed. “Stop the - ,” he dropped a choice expletive, “car!”

Now it was Jimmie’s turn to be shocked. “What are you talking about, man?”

“I have to get out!” Van quickly climbed over the back bench and wrenched the van door open, a whoosh of wet air slamming in.

“You psycho! Shut the door!” Jimmie cursed him. Van looked at him as if to jump. “Okay, okay, man, take it easy! I’m pulling over.” Van stayed poised as the van came to a screeching halt. “Here?” Jimmie asked as we all looked around. We were in the parking lot of a smoke mart/99 cent store in some unremarkable suburb of the city.

“Good a place as any,” he mumbled and jumped out, hitting the pavement running.

Halley shot me a panicked look and without even thinking, I vaulted out the door after him. I followed him for block after block, through yards and stores and parks. I had just about given up when I saw him collapse on the playground of an ancient brick elementary school. Panting, I stumbled over to him. “Answers,” I gasped. “Now.”

“He’s dead!” Van wailed.

“Who’s dead?” I sat down heavily on the bottom of the slide. Even coach McBride would’ve been proud of that last sprint, I think.

“Cole.”

“No, he’s not,” I rolled my eyes. “Halley saw him this morning, remember? She tucked him back into bed, all safe and sound and stoned.”

He looked wildly at me and I thought for a moment he might bolt again. If he did, he was on his own. Adrenaline or no, there was no way I could keep up with him again. Instead, he threw his arms out and screamed at the black sky. “Noooooooo!” His cry was both mournful and angry. It made every hair on my neck prickle. Continuing his howl, he kicked the nearest thing – a tire swing – and then pummeled it with his fists. Finally, he started to really speak, “You son of a -, you can’t do this to me!” He panted loudly and then began again, speaking rhythmically in time with his jabs at the sky. “That was no way to say good-bye, you lousy jerk! No way, do you hear me? I hate you for this, do you understand me? Wherever you’re sitting now, I hope you hear me! This is not good-bye! I deserve a better farewell! Fine! This is it. This is how you want it? Fine! Good-bye, then! Do you hear me? Good bye!” The last word came out as an unearthly moan and grabbing the collar of his t-shirt, he ripped it clean open. I sat in shock as I watched him fall to his knees, weeping openly.

I walked carefully over to him, picking up the torn shirt on my way. “It’s cold,” I said simply.

“I don’t care,” he sniffled.

I knelt down next to him and put my arms around him. “Van, it’s okay. I really don’t think he’s dead.”

He shook his head adamantly. “He came and said good-bye to me.”

“What? When?”

“At the restaurant.”

“Cole was there?” He must’ve come while Halley and I were out.

“No, no,” he shook his head and wiped at his streaming eyes. “I just heard him. In my head. He said good-bye and I felt him go.”

I looked over my shoulder at the playground, the empty swings swaying creepily in the dark. “Um, you heard him?”

“You can think I’m crazy. You can think whatever you want but it won’t change the fact that he’s dead.”

“Okay, okay,” I soothed. I hugged him, staring over his shoulder so he wouldn’t see the worried look on my face. I had the distinct feeling I was witnessing the disintegration of a person right before my eyes and I had no clue how to stop it. “Why don’t we just go home and we’ll call Jimmie’s and see if we can’t find Cole.”

“You go,” he said coldly. “You’re the one that needs proof.”

“Come with me,” I tried to smile. “If, heaven forbid, it is true, then don’t you want to be with Jimmie and Halley and everyone?”

He shook his head fiercely, “No. I need to say good-bye to Cole in my own way.” His voice went ragged again. “While his spirit is still close.”

“Please,” I begged.

“Leave me alone,” he ordered. With that, he was on his feet and running again. I didn’t even try to follow him.

“Van!” I yelled one last time, not really hoping it would turn him around but I had to try. He was long gone.

I stood, brushing the gravel off my knees and slowly looked around. I had no idea where I was and, it was just now occurring to me, I had left my purse with my cell phone and everything else in it in the van. Silently I cursed Van and his obvious descent into dementia as I walked out towards the nearest street, hoping to get my bearings.

“Hey,” a low voice said from the shadows of the school. I jumped, my heart pounding all the way down to my fingertips. I scanned the deep pockets of darkness hesitantly, Van’s words about ghosts ringing in my head. Not seeing anyone, I tried to walk faster. “Hey, girl, I’m talking to you,” the voice came again.

I swallowed and looked again in the direction of the noise. “Cole?” My voice squeaked. Is this what it was like?

A guy with a hood pulled up over his face stepped out and I caught my breath, whether from relief or fear, I wasn’t entirely sure. “You had a little fight with your boyfriend.” It was phrased a question but it came out more as a statement. I didn’t answer and someone else laughed from the shadows. I shivered. “It’s cold out there. Why don’t you come in here with us?”

“Yeah,” said the second voice, “we won’t fight with you. We promise.”

“Heh. I’m a lover, not a fighter,” the first guy said, holding something out to me. The end glowed in the dark. “Here,” he intoned, “this will warm you up, dry those tears.”

I wasn’t crying but I wasn’t going to point that out. “Nah, dude, she won’t have none of that,” a third voice, this one low and gravelly, said. “Check out her hands. She’s not your type.”

My hands? I’d forgotten they still bore the large black Xs in permanent marker from the show. The first guy walked boldly up to me, taking my hand and holding it up to the light. “What’s all this?”

“You just come from a show, girl?” the gravelly voice asked and then added, “She’s a straight edger.”

Now that the guy was closer to me, I could see inside his hood. He was older than I had first placed him, just judging by his clothes, and he smelled of alcohol. I winced and tried to pull my hand back. He wouldn’t let go. “Straight edger huh? I used to know some of them,” he mused. “They all virgins right?” Someone laughed again. “I like virgins.” He turned to his friends, “You think this one’s a virgin?”

That helped me find my voice. “Van!” I screamed, wrenching my hand away. “Van!!”

“Aw, girlie, he’s gone. Run away,” the gravelly voice said sagely. “The fighting man runs away like a child, even as we speak.”

“What’s the use of having a fighter then if he isn’t there to fight for you when you need him?” The hooded man jumped quickly at me and I screamed even though he didn’t touch me. He laughed. They all laughed.

“There’s no use,” the second voice called out in a sing-song taunt.

I shuffled towards the street, trying to gauge if I could run or not. “No, no,” the first man danced in front of me, blocking my way. “You don’t leave yet.” He peered at me. “You want to go? You don’t want to stay and party?”

“I want to go,” I said, trying to sound brave but my voice wobbled.

“Well, I jus’ want to hear you say it first.”

“Say what?” I asked hesitantly. If I hadn’t felt the cold grip of his fingers on my arm, I might’ve still thought he was ghost, the situation felt so surreal.

“That there’s no use in having a fighter.”

“What?”

“Your boyfriend’s useless, girlie,” the third voice clued me in. “Say it.”

“My boyfriend’s useless,” I whispered.

The hooded face leaned in closely, “Right you are. I could do anything to you that I wanted and he couldn’t stop me.”

“Please,” I started, a few panicky tears welling up in my eyes even as I tried to banish them.

He laughed loudly, “I jus’ want to hear you say it.”

“What?” My head was spinning and I couldn’t help shivering.

“Jus’ say the words and I’ll let you go.”

I swallowed. “You could do…anything to me,” my nose started to run from all the pent-up tears, “and he couldn’t stop you.”

“Good girl, I think you’ve learned your lesson.” He let go of me and gave me a little push. “Go on.” I didn’t need any more prompting than that and I took off as fast as my legs could go.

“I think she really believed me,” the man laughed loudly as I rounded the corner of the school.

“That she did,” replied the third voice, the low words traveling far across the wet lawn, “and there is a seventh circle of hell reserved for you, my friend. Mark my words.”

I didn’t stop running until many blocks later, long after I’d reached the main highway, I’d just kept going. At last, I saw a gas station that I recognized. I was closer to home than I had realized. Collapsing on the curb under the bright lights, I finally cried. All the fear and anger and hurt came welling out in great gulping sobs. Burying my face in my arms, I cried and cried.

“Leigh!” The voice was shocked and I startled. “What on earth happened to you? Are you hurt?” I heard car doors slam and then Katie and Stella were on either side of me.

I realized belatedly that I actually was not hurt. Not even the tiniest scratch. “I’m fine,” I said shakily, looking up at them and wincing in the bright light.

“What happened to your eyes?” Katie gasped.

“What?”

“I think it’s this,” Stella giggled, holding up my hand where the black X had smudged from all my tears. “Just ink.”

Katie stared at me for a long moment and then giggled too, “You look like a raccoon!”

I took a deep breath and then let a little laugh out. “There’s probably some mascara and dirt in there too.”

“You’re a mess, girl,” Stella held up a lank, fuzzy strand of my hair for me to see, in case I needed evidence. “Rough night, huh?” I nodded mutely. “I knew there was a reason we ran out of yogurt-covered raisins!” She laughed loudly, throwing her head back and showing all her teeth. Suddenly I knew how Sweet Lou could have fallen for her at a mini-mart.

Katie, on the other hand, was just staring at me, her face inscrutable. “You okay?”

Blinking slowly, I sighed. “I am now.”

“Good,” she said quietly and put her arm around me. “Because Orlando is waiting.” I didn’t make any objections as they pulled me to my feet and led me into the store.
- posted by Charlotte @ 8:17 AM