Chapter 21 - New Ending
Patting the computer screen lovingly, I wiped the dust off with a tissue. “Now I’m only going home for Christmas Break. I’ll be back in January so don’t miss me too much, ok guys?” Who knew I’d actually miss the dead people? But it’s true. I inhaled the musty aroma nostalgically as I signed my name under the long list of, well, my signatures. Smiling, I checked off two and a half hours and three batches finished. It feels like a real accomplishment somehow.

I checked my watch. It’s already 1:30 p.m. I’d better hurry if I want to pop into the computer lab before I run home for Tex’s farewell party. Rushing across the street to the nearest lab, I flashed my ID card and sat down at the nearest computer. Being the last day of finals week, the lab was nearly empty and my keystrokes seemed loud in the quiet room as I logged into my e-mail. Junk. Junk. Spam. Junk. Aunt Lola. Junk. Aha! P. Marius. My grade! Taking a deep breath, I clicked on it.

Student: P. Caldera
ID Number: A489325
Class: Biology 130
Grade: B++

What?? B++ isn’t a grade! It’s an aberration! I pounded my fist on the desk earning me a sharp look from the lab consultant at the front desk. Darn Paul! Darn him to heck! And darn my limited vocabulary of curse words!

Scanning down to the “notes” section I read: Congratulations, Ms. Caldera. You earned it.

“Earned what?” I screeched, ignoring the warning look from the lab consultant and quickly went to the student website. After typing in my username and password, I waited for my transcript to load, tapping my fingers loudly on the desk. At last the screen loaded and I scrolled down. Art 105: A. History 212: A. Life Skills 108: A. Yeah, yeah, stupid gen eds, get to the important one! There it is…Biology 130…B+ “Agh!” I yelled and smacked my head. Of course it was too good to be true. Then I scrolled down to my final credit…Biology 130 Lab…A! “I did it!” I screamed and jumped to my feet. “I did it!” I ran out of the lab before I could get shushed. “Wahoo!” I slid down the hill on ice and elation.

Stopping only to drop my bag in my empty apartment, I hurried up the steps to C301. The door stood open as people packed the apartment, music pouring out the open windows. “Wow, some party!” I said when I finally found Tex hanging out in a corner of the kitchen. “I didn’t know you even knew this many people!”

“I don’t,” he said looking slightly horrified.

“Oh,” I said lamely. “Well, um, hey - have a great mission!”

“Thanks.”

“You ok?” I asked taking in his pallid face and the crushed plastic cup in his hands.

“Yup.”

“Have you seen my girls?” I scanned the crowded living room but nobody looked familiar.

“Nope,” he shook his head and tipped his hat lower over his eyes.

“Oh, well maybe I should go find them…”

“Aight.”

Can this get any more awkward? “Ok, then. Guess I’ll be going. Um, have a great mission.”

“Ya already said that,” he said quietly.

“Well there you go!” I said cheerily. “That had more than two syllables! Way to branch out.” Nope I was wrong. It’s definitely more awkward now. “Tex?” I said carefully, waiting for him to look up. “Um, you know what I said the other night? About seeing somebody?” He didn’t answer and in true talk-a-holic form I kept going. It’s a disease, I tell ya! “I was wrong. It’s not anything. I mean, we’re not anything. He and I, I mean, not you and I. You and I, we could still be something. If you want. Except you’re going on a mission. I know that. But maybe when you get back. If you want.” Excuse me, but was that just the worst love speech ever made? I don’t know if I even understand it and I said it!

He stared at me. “I, uh, just thought you should know,” I finished, well aware my face is probably now glowing in the ultraviolet range. He just nodded and dropped his cup in the overflowing trashcan before walking out of the kitchen.

I waited a dignified ten seconds before taking my shamed self out of the kitchen. Am I sufficiently sorry I showed up at this party? Yes, yes I am. It took ten minutes of pushing around pointy elbows and sweaty backs but I finally found Jill. “Hey!” she grinned. It’s good to see her smile. “Great party, eh?”

“I’m going home,” I mumbled. “I have to get ready for work!”

“What?” she yelled over the music.

“Bye!” I yelled and waved to her. The quiet was as much of a shock as the cold was as I stomped down the steps to my floor. I picked up the music again through the ceiling though as I went into my apartment, tripping over my backpack that I’d left right in front of my door. Flipping on the light in my room, I saw a package on my bed. A long cardboard roll with a note attached. Normally I’d be thrilled seeing as I never even get mail but somehow even the fact that I’d scored an A in my bio lab didn’t take away the sting of that silent good-bye.

“Hey,” he said quietly.

“Agh!” I screamed and rocketed up from my bed. “What are you -? I didn’t even here you come in!” I spluttered.

“Ah,” he flashed me a brief smile under his hat. “I climbed over the back deck.”

“You what?” I said, returning his smile.

He shrugged, “Couldn’t get to the front door. Plus I wanted to find out what you see in it.”

“And?”

“Good exercise, moderate thrill. Think I might do it again,” he answered coolly.

“Not to mention the whole Mission Impossible vibe you get too.”

“Yeah,” he chuckled. “That was nice too.”

“Yeah.” I sat back down on my bed and waited.

After a minute he pulled a chair out from Brooklyn’s desk and sat down. “Sorry I left you hangin’ back there. It just came as kind of shock, what you said, besides the fact that I’m kinda nervous. You know about the whole mission thing. It didn’t really feel real until tonight but now it does.”

I nodded. “I’d be scared out of my mind if I were you.”

He laughed weakly. “I am, missy, I am.” Taking off his hat, he laid it on the desk. “Which is probably why I wanted to make something happen with you before I left. I guess I just wanted some reassurance that someone would miss me.”

“I’ll miss you,” I cocked my head and looked at him.

“Thanks,” he smiled.

My heart pounding, I stood up and walked over to where he was sitting and leaned against the desk. “I mean that.”

“So will you do something for me?” He was so close I could smell his familiar scent of soap and dryer sheets.

“What?” I breathed and waited.

Taking my hands, he looked deeply into my eyes and whispered, “Take notes in Sunday School for me. And please, don’t eat them. At least not until I get back.” It took a second to register but when it did, I burst out laughing. “Ok?” he said. “I’m serious. In fact, I even got you a little something to help you out.” Out of his pocket he pulled a medium-sized notepad and handed it to me.

“Aw, you shouldn’t have,” I giggled and flipped it open. Tex had written the date of every Sunday for the next two years, each on the top of its own page.

“Will you do that for me?” he grinned. “And send them to me every week?”

“I’ll do my best,” I smiled. As I shut the book, I noticed what he’d written inside the front cover. “My Pearl of Great Price,” was etched in his loopy script.

“How did you know?” I gasped.

“What?”

“I didn’t even think you knew my name much less how I got it!” I laughed. “I mean, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you call me anything except missy.”

He smiled, “I know your name. Read it in the ward directory the first day you showed up at my apartment and dumped all my toilet paper over the balcony.”

“You saw me?” I gasped and blushed. “I thought I was…”

“Pretty smooth?” He laughed a little and tipped his hat back. “That you were. And just plain pretty too. That’s why I didn’t alert the guard dog.”

“Ah, thanks,” I mumbled.

“I knew your name from the beginning but I never used it. Not that I didn’t like it but you just seemed so uncomfortable with it. I saw how you cringed when the bishop said it. Besides, ‘Tex’ isn’t my real name either, you know.” I dropped my head and fidgeted with my watch. Why didn’t I ever think of that? “But now I’m curious,” he said softly and held my hand. “How did you get your name?”

I shrugged. “The year they were studying the Pearl of Great Price, my mother was the Gospel Doctrine teacher and pregnant with me. One of the members of her class suggested she was carrying her own ‘Pearl.’ So when she found out I was a girl, it just stuck.” Looking up at him I finished quietly, “I always hated it growing up. It’s such an old lady name!”

“It’s a beautiful name,” he said approvingly. “And one that truly fits you.”

“It’s a lot to live up to!” I exclaimed, venting my pet peeve about my name. It’s like naming your son Captain Moroni for pity’s sake.

Standing up, he wrapped his arms around me. “You do just fine. I think you proved that over the last couple of days.” He touched my still-swollen lip gently with his fingertip. “Good night,” he called over his shoulder and walked quickly out the door.

You know what? He’s right. I’m not perfect but I do just fine. “Thanks, Matt,” I whispered and touched my lip.

………

“Hey! We’re all in the Z room having a little Christmas fiesta and whatnot – come and join us!” Ryan called as he passed me in the kitchen.

“Yeah?” I said half-heartedly. Strangely, I’m not really in the mood for a party tonight.

“Oh yeah, Queen Mary’s already got the karaoke machine all set up and Lucien’s in there mixing drinks.”

Okay, now I’m really not in the mood for a party. But at least now I know where Lucien is so I can be where he isn’t. “Thanks,” I smiled at Ryan. “I’ve got some inventory to take care of upstairs but I’ll try and stop in when I’m done.”

“Crazy girl,” he muttered but he was grinning. “Don’t stay too long or the ghosts’ll get you,” he added, invoking the silly rumor of the upstairs floor.

I rolled my eyes, “I won’t.” I’m planning to stay up there until the end of my shift but whatever. Grabbing my clipboard, I headed up the darkened stairs, making my way back to the bar mostly by touch. Lucien would kill me if he knew I was doing this alone but if I’m careful hopefully he won’t even notice anything’s been touched and Queen Mary will be happy the inventory got down early. So really we’re all winners here.

An hour later, I was crouched behind the bar pulling sticky bottles out of the deep bottom cabinets when I heard voices. Lucien and Yvonne. I can’t make out what they’re saying but they are definitely coming my way. Crap! I bonked my head on the counter as I stood up and quickly turned off the light. Crouching in the darkness I heard them hit the top of the stairs.

“She here?”

“Dunno. Ryan said she was up here,” Lucien’s voice echoed in the empty room, “but the lights are off. Besides, why would she be doing inventory when there’s a party going on?”

“Right, ‘cause she’s such a party girl,” Yvonne said snottily and I stuck my tongue out at her in the dark.

“I’m just going to check the bar and see if she’s been there,” he replied, his footsteps falling heavily on the wood floor. Agh! Now what am I going to do? If he finds me crouching here in the dark, which he will since this darn bar is like four feet by four feet, he will know I’ve been hiding from him. My only option is… I felt my way over to the swinging door to the hallway. Maybe I can just hide here until he goes away? Oh, who am I kidding? Of course he’s going to check and see if the elevator’s here. I’ve got to get down. Man, where’s a fire escape when I need one? Standing up slowly, I felt my way down the musty wood paneling until I reached the dark maw of the freight elevator. What am I doing? I can’t even get the doors closed!

“Here’s her clipboard!” I heard Lucien exclaim. Ok. So. Decision made. Bracing my foot against the metal wall, I tugged the strap to the outside doors with all my might. It budged only the tiniest bit.

“Hey Vonnie – I’m just going to check the elevator, see if it’s up,” he called.

“Gah!” I exhaled with a grunt and jerked the mighty doors closed. Aha! One down, one to go. Jumping up, I jerked on the metal inner gate, putting my weight into it as it creakily started to move. But not fast enough, unfortunately.

“Yeah, yeah, Vonnie. This’ll just take a sec. What? Yeah, I’ll grab you a beer,” I heard him say as the gate stopped after only a few inches.

“No no no!” I hissed, kicking the gate. Well, closed or not, I’ve got to go. I pressed the button and the elevator groaned to life. I held my breath as it started its shaky descent.

“That’s funny,” I heard his voice echo down the shaft. “It’s not here. Could’ve sworn I heard it though.” I smiled with satisfaction. At this rate, I can beat them down and make it out before they even figure out what happened.

As if it could read my prideful thoughts, the elevator shuddered to a stop. “What?” I gasped and punched the button again. The lights went out. It hates me. I stood in the pitch black feeling the unnerving sway of the elevator for what seemed like forever before it hit me. I’m all alone. No one even knows where I am! Ryan will say I was in the bar but Lucien and Yvonne will say I’d already left. It could be hours – heck, maybe even all night – before I’m found! “No!” I groaned and slid down the wall. I pounded the metal floor with my fist in frustration. I could probably scream my lungs out and no one would hear me. Especially not over the karaoke machine. Aha! The karaoke machine! I forgot that the beast loves music. Love songs! Jumping to my feet, I sang creakily, “In the still of the…” My voice petered out, sounding alien even to my own ears. Shaking my head, I tried again, “Catch a falling star…” Again, the darkness snuffed out my voice. I couldn’t remember the rest of the words. My heart beat faster and I tried again, hollering loudly, “In the jungle, the mighty jungle, uh, weem….” Okay, so that’s one’s not technically a love song but at least it’s old. I sniffled and wiped at my nose, accidentally bumping my sore lip.

I let the tears come, knowing that at least no one can see me crying, and yet a tiny part of me still hopes that Lucien will appear out of nowhere and rescue me like he has before. Nothing’s even scheduled in the bar tonight though and everything upstairs been closed up so that’s not likely. Laying down, I pressed my cheek to the cold floor and breathed the metallic odor and waited. And waited. After a few minutes, my tears dried up and the swinging stopped and I lay motionless in the perfect dark. As the blackness and the quiet pressed in on me, Ryan’s warning about the ghosts crept unbidden into my mind. I shivered and sat up but it didn’t make any difference. I don’t know which way is out or even up. I don’t even know how long I’ve been in here! My heart pounded in my ears as I told myself over and over again that there’s no such thing as ghosts. It didn’t work. It only made me imagine it more. I have got to get out of here!

Crawling on my hands and knees, I felt around until I found the front, the two steel doors still locked tightly shut. Maybe if I can get them open then at least I can see where the elevator stopped. Working my fingers up the crack until I found the strap, I stood on my wobbly legs and pulled with everything I had. It didn’t so much as budge an inch. What was I thinking? I’ve never been able to get this monster to cooperate! But it’s my only option right now. I wiped the tears off my cheeks and then tried again. As I tugged, it occurred to me that I might be pulling in the wrong direction. What if I’m actually closing the doors tighter? I let out a tiny scream of frustration and switched positions. As my muscles strained, I felt the doors open just a bit but was quickly disappointed to see there was still no light in the space. So much for hoping I’d made it all the way down and just hadn’t realized it. Then another thought occurred to me – at least this elevator’s so old the doors are manual and not electric! Thank heavens for small blessings, right? I paused and the doors finally overcome their inertia and slid open with a clang. As a rush of cold air hit me in the face I smiled a little. A blessing? “Thanks God,” I prayed under my breath. Praying! Why did this not occur to me ten minutes (or whatever) ago? Kneeling on the rough steel, I bowed my head and said the most sincere prayer of my life. “Please, God, please help someone to save me.” I shivered as I felt nothing but the cold air, inside and out. What does that mean? That God isn’t going to send someone to save me? But I prayed!

Still crouching angrily on the floor, I opened my eyes in disgust. I was about to tell God thanks for nothing when I noticed a tiny bar of light far below me. Then it hit me. Sometimes we have to save ourselves. But how? Carefully, I crept closer to the edge and peered over. The light was definitely there so I can’t be that far from the ground floor but at this height I can’t tell exactly how far away it is. And of course, beneath me is the empty elevator shaft. At least we don’t have a basement! I think. Taking a deep breath, I reached my hand out into the void. After a couple of feet it met the cement wall of the shaft. Ok, so theoretically, I could climb out of the elevator and…slide or drop down the wall until I hit the floor. That hopefully isn’t too far away. Well, apparently this is what I have to do, right? Save myself.

Gathering up all my courage, I crawled to the edge and gripped the edge of the bottom floor. Before I could change my mind, I slid over the edge. As soon as my legs left solid ground, sheer panic took over. Kicking madly, I hit the cement wall but there was nothing to latch onto there! There are no footholds or anything! Between my swinging feet, there was the bar of light, still impossibly far away. My breath ragged in my chest and tears stinging my eyes, I cried out in a panic. “Dear God, please help me!” My fingers started to slip and I scrambled to regain my hold. “Oh God, I can’t do it! I can’t save myself! I can’t!” As soon as I said it, calmness entered my chest and I stopped flailing. Realizing the silliness of my earlier words, I prayed again. “Dear Heavenly Father, I know I can’t save myself. I’ve done what I can though – please help me! Don’t let me die in an elevator shaft. Alone.” As I said the last phrase I thought of my father. Never Be Stubborn and Think You Can Do Everything Yourself. Or something. The thought of my father brought a warm feeling over me and I heard in my mind, I am here, my child. The love was overwhelming and undeniable. Jump like you can’t fall. The words that hand sounded so impulsive and scary when Lucien had said them now sounded comforting and reasonable. Still, I held on though. “I can’t Father! I’m scared!” I will catch you. I let go.

It seemed like I fell forever but before I knew it, I landed heavily on the cement floor in a burst of light. Rolling into the kitchen, I took one last look up at the elevator. I’d dropped maybe six feet at the most. I was never in danger of the ignominious death I had so vividly imagined. I was that close the whole time! Who knew? Then I smiled, chagrined. Someone had known. “Thank you, Heavenly Father. Thank you.”

Brushing off my bruised knees, I walked creakily into the deserted restaurant, hoping for a minute to lick my wounds before going in to the party. As I turned the corner though, I saw Lucien sitting by himself in the back booth, his feet kicked up on the seat and a cup in front of him. My instinct was to just walk away but I know I can’t avoid him forever. Besides, I have more courage than I thought, right?

“Hello my sweet CC!” Lucien said grandly as I walked over to him. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you! I’ve been so worried!” I took a seat next to him as he continued, “Queen Mary said both you and Trin called in sick yesterday. It must be going around. You want some tea?” He slid the ceramic cup across the table to me.

Raising my face to meet his eyes, I said simply, “I don’t drink tea. You know that.”

“Whoa!” he gasped when he saw my face. “What happened to you?”

I shrugged and didn’t smile for fear of cracking open the wound on my lip. “You should see the other guy…” Really it’s hard to be too angry after you’ve just, you know, escaped death and all.

He laughed and put his arm around me. “Oh, I’ve missed you!” Peering at my lip he asked, “So does it hurt much?”

“Not anymore,” I said stoically although I’d spent the rest of that night on the couch with an ice pack and an endless stream of infomercials. Trinity and I had both called in sick the next day so we could spend some time with the girls recuperating.

“’Cause if it does,” he grinned, showing all his dimples, “I could kiss it better.”

“No!” I said with more force than was necessary. “No, don’t.”

“Aww,” he sighed. “You’re no fun.”

“That’s right,” I nodded and suddenly remembered my dinner. Chef Jon had saved me an entire plate of asparagus with hollandaise sauce, which sounds a lot more reliable right now than some silly boy.

“What’s up with you?” he asked crankily. “One minute you’re totally kissing on me and the next it’s all cold shoulder and ‘you know I don’t drink tea’.”

“Well I don’t,” I said icily even though my heart was pounding in my throat. I can’t let him see how much he affects me. I just can’t.

“I know you don’t!” he said exasperated and stared at me. “It’s herbal. Seriously. Give me some credit.”

“Oh,” I said quietly. “Well, thanks.”

We sat in silence for a couple of minutes before he finally said, “So are you going to tell me what’s up with you lately or are you just going to stop being my friend and never tell me why.” My heart cracked a little as he continued, “’Cause if you’re going to do that, then just tell me now. It’s not like it’d be the first time someone just stepped out on me for no reason.”

“You wouldn’t understand,” I sighed and played with the cup. I mean, how can I even begin to explain what the last three days have been like? I feel like a completely different person.

“Try me,” he said rubbing my arm. “I want to understand. I care about you, remember?”

“Right,” I said tightly. “You care about me so much that you hooked up with Yvonne.” I tried to be cool, say it like I didn’t care, but all my emotion bubbled over in my voice.

“Wha-?” he started and then stopped.

“I saw you kissing her in the elevator,” I said just in case he was working on a lie. Ok, so I just heard them. Whatever.

Nodding slowly, he pursed his lips. “Yeah, Yvonne and I hook up from time to time. We’re not like involved or anything though. Don’t get me wrong, I totally love her but I’m not, like, in love with her.”

“What does that even mean?” I said and threw my hands up. “If you really loved her you’d want her to find someone that can make her truly happy and not just for an occasional no-strings make-out session!”

“You’re too young to understand our relationship,” he said curtly.

“Fine. Play the age card,” I snapped. “Because you’re so old and wise, right?”

“No,” he said, his voice dropping low again, “because I’ve seen the world in ways you haven’t. I know the heartbreak and disappointment and loneliness out there. You don’t. I know that you have to take your pleasure where you can find it because chances are it’s not going to be there tomorrow. So for you to just sit there in your bubble and judge Yvonne and I for not having as perfect a life as you do, well, then you aren’t the girl I thought you were.” He stood up hastily and turned towards the door.

“It was my first kiss,” I said quietly.

“I know,” he answered.

“Do you remember your first kiss?”

Sighing, he turned back towards me. “Monica. We were eleven. We were at a party in her parent’s basement playing Two Minutes in the Closet.”

I made a face. “That doesn’t count. First real kiss.”

Closing his eyes briefly, he exhaled for a long moment. “Okay,” he said dropping back into his chair and looking at me contritely. “I get it. I’m sorry.”

“Are you?”

“Mostly,” he shrugged. “I won’t say I regret kissing you. It was fun.” He grinned again. “But I am sorry I was careless and you got hurt.”

“You used me.”

“You used me too.”

“What?” I fairly shrieked. “I did not!”

“Are you saying that you didn’t just kiss me because I’m hot and I was hitting on you?” He winked at me and I looked away. “You wanted your first kiss to be good and I made sure it was.”

I blushed at the memory. “It wasn’t just that. I really cared about you as a person.”

“I really care about you as a person,” he said simply. “I still do. If I didn’t, I would’ve tried to get more out of you than just a kiss.”

“Well you wouldn’t have got anything!” I said angrily.

He shrugged. “Maybe, maybe not. But the point is, I didn’t even try because I didn’t want you to regret your first kiss. Because I care about you.” Leaning back in his chair, he gave me a considering look. “I think the problem is you don’t understand the rules of the game you’re playing. This isn’t high school, this is the adult world now.”

“Even when I am an ‘adult’,” I said hotly, “I’m not going to play by those rules. I’m going to respect and love the person I date and it will be more than just fleeting hook-ups in back rooms. I know there aren’t fairytale endings out there but that doesn’t mean I have to settle for just whatever I can get! I’m not going to be like you!” The speech poured venomously out of me and when I finished I waited hesitantly, fearing I’d crossed a line.

Lucien just smiled gently at me, “I hope you find what you’re looking for.” Then he leaned over and hugged me, “I hope you don’t end up like me. And I mean that.” Brushing my bangs out of my eyes, he looked at me seriously, “Still friends?”

“On one condition,” I said seriously. “Don’t ever kiss me again.”

“You drive a hard bargain,” he laughed and shook my hand. “It’s a deal, CC.”

As he walked to the door, I called after him. “Lucien?”

“What?” he turned around.

“My name is Pearl.”

………


Kicking the skirt under my bed, I flopped on my quilt and landed on the cardboard tube I’d all but forgotten about. Quickly I tore it open.

Hey Girl,

I got the grade back on my art project – you know the painting I did of you and I jumping off the cliff at Big Toe? I got an A+! In fact, Mr. Westenskow wants me to enter it in the state art contest! Crazy, huh? I have to say my favorite part is how I’m looking at you but all you can see is the water rushing up at us! Do you remember how scared you were? I practically had to push you off! Anyhow, I thought you might like to see it. So here’s your very own copy. I even autographed the back for you. Just a little bribery now so you don’t go on Leno later and tell embarrassing stories about me when I’m rich and famous;)

Luvs,
Maura

I pulled the large painting out of the packing tube and unfurled it. The piercing blue sky. The baking sun. The sound of the air rushing past my ears. The taste of sunscreen on my lips. It was all there, encapsulated in the paint. There we were, Maura and I, clutching each other and falling. And just like she’d said, she’s staring at me, her mouth wide open in a joyous scream. I am looking down. She’s wrong though, I wasn’t staring at the water - I was looking at the reflection of the limitless sky on the smooth water. I remember that. For a brief moment I’d been falling upward, anything possible in that magic moment before life was a cold shock of murky water up my nose. The best part of the painting for me though is the expression on my face: a mixture of raw terror, excitement and longing for the warm rock we’d just left. Jump like you can’t fall.
- posted by Charlotte @ 8:38 AM