Chapter 19 - Perfect is as Perfect Does
“How’d you do?” Gus stood up from the bench where he’d been waiting for me outside our classroom. “What took you so long? I’ve been done for like fifteen minutes!”

I sighed and dropped my backpack on the floor by my feet. “I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. There was a lot of stuff on that test and I was just writing so fast I don’t even remember what all I said. That last problem really stumped me though. I was doing fine up until that point. I mean, ‘What’s the nutritional value of lettuce?’ What kind of question is that?”

“Oh!” Gus laughed. “It’s water.”

“What?” I slapped my forehead. “That’s not what I wrote. I think I said something about plant cellulose and fiber. Agh!”

“It’s water,” he said again. “I should have told you. That’s always the last question on this final. I think the prof. thinks it’s funny. Don’t worry though,” he added patting my arm, “it’s only worth five points.”

“Five points could make all the difference for my grade!” I whined.

“I know, I know.” He tugged me gently away from the door. “Let’s go get some hot chocolate. And I won’t even ask you what the nutritional content is!”

I grinned, “Okay, but I’ve only got like a half hour before I have to be to work.” Just then Paul walked out carrying a large armload of test books. Nodding curtly at both of us, he headed for the stairs to his office. I whispered to Gus, “Quick, if we run now, we can tackle him and grab the tests and run!”

Gus just shook his head at me, “Newbie. All we have to do is corner him long enough to throw a bucket of water on him. He’ll melt!”

I giggled, “You think he wears ruby slippers too?”

“With that flannel shirt? It would be a crime!” he said as we headed out the doors.

………

“Duck!” Ryan yelled at the exact same second Yvonne screamed, “Catch!” So of course I did neither and got smacked upside the face with slimy pineapple skin and took a five-pound jar of salad dressing to the gut.

“Agh!” I screamed and wiped at my face as Ranch ran down my legs, puddling around my shoes.

“Don’t stand in front of the garbage can,” Ryan said in lieu of an apology as he ran by me, sliding on the mess.

“Always keep a spare uniform!” Yvonne yelled as she raced past me in the opposite direction. “And after you change, grab another jar of Ranch and meet me in the Z room!”

This is going to be a great shift tonight, I can tell already. I half-walked, half-slid to the locker room to see what I could do. There’s no saving my skirt or tights. In fact, I’ll be lucky to just get them off seeing as how the Ranch is quickly hardening and making a life-like cast of my lower body. Sculpture: Half a Waitress. Early 21st Century. Organic Materials. I checked my locker only to discover my spare pair of black pants is missing. I sighed and opened Trinity’s locker. There are my spare pants complete with a large, ugly Rorshach of a tomato stain on the rear. I thought about asking her how that had happened but I probably don’t want to know.

I was just pulling on the crusty slacks when I heard a staccato knock and a loud “Oh, ladies!” I was just able to jerk my pants up before Lucien walked in. “Ah, just a minute too late apparently,” he sighed melodramatically.

I’m in no mood for his humor tonight though so I snapped, “I’m dressing in here! Hello!”

“I knocked first,” he said lightly as he walked around the bench to hug me but I pushed him away, buttoning my pants and trying to adjust the bunchy pockets so they won’t add two inches to each hip. No luck there, I’m afraid. “Oh, don’t be like that!” he chided. “If you need help getting dressed, all you have to do is ask.”

“I can dress myself just fine,” I grumbled and lunged for my apron. It’s a complicated maneuver though as I’m standing barefoot on my shoes so my clean lil’ piggies won’t have to touch the nasty tile but in a fit of perverseness my ranch-filled shoes slipped out from under me and I toppled into my locker.

“Right, I can see that,” he chuckled and helped me up. “Now, give me a hug. There’s a good girl.” He wrapped his arms around me and I suddenly flushed. Is he going to expect me to kiss him again? What if he tries to kiss me? I mean, anyone could walk in at any moment and…

“There you are!” Trinity burst in the room. “Oops! Sorry to interrupt,” she smirked. “Didn’t realize you two were, ahem, busy.”

“We’re not busy!” I said too loudly and blushed harder. Does she know? Has Lucien told her? Has Brooklyn?

“Oh, we were just about to get busy though, right love?” Lucien said and made loud kissing noises as he dipped me backwards.

Pushing him off me, I grabbed my shoes and stalked over to the sink to try and rinse them off. “No, we weren’t.” I grumbled and scrubbed with a paper towel, ducking my head and hoping neither one of them noticed my face that now matched my tomato stain. This is so not how I wanted this night to go.

“How about you then?” Lucien looked hopefully at Trinity. “Can I ravish you?”

“Maybe later, darling,” she giggled. “Actually, I came back here to see if I could borrow your pants again, chickie,” she sighed and continued, “but apparently not.”

“Apparently not,” I retorted. “And what happened to my butt anyhow? Did you get booed off a stage somewhere?”

“I wish,” she said good-naturedly. “It’s Ryan. His aim’s really off today.”

“I noticed,” I said and poked at my sticky hair.

“Yeah, that was lunch time when that happened so then I changed into my spare skirt and then this happened.” Lucien laughed and I turned around to see a large splatter of multi-hued goo down the front of her skirt. “George knocked into my tray jack and tipped an entire stack of dirty plates down my front.”

“All in all, I’d rather have yours than mine,” I said glumly. “At least you can cover yours up with an apron.” I gave up on my shoes and sat down to put them on, realizing that I have no spare socks.

“But I stink!” she whined plaintively.

“Now that you mentioned it, I do smell eau du rotting food,” Lucien commented unhelpfully.

“CaraCara!” I heard Yvonne bellow. “Where are you?”

“Ooh, you’re in trouble now,” Trinity mocked. “She used your full name!” I stood up and grimaced. Besides the stain, my pants are wrinkled and bunched uncomfortably around my hips, the pockets sticking out no matter how many times I stuff them back in, not to mention the two inches of bare ankle between the bottom hem and my shoes. All I need now is to pull my shirt out my fly and the look will be complete.

“I guess I’d better go,” I sighed.

“What zone are you on tonight?” Lucien asked as I headed for the door.

“No zone. I’m on the party in the Zeus room.”

“You gonna come up and say hi later?” He winked at me.

I smiled and felt the flush creep up my neck. “Yeah, sure. I’ll try for my dinner break.” As soon as I was out, I headed straight for the walk-in fridge and stood by the stack of salad dressing, resting my hot forehead on the cold wall.

………

My dinner break came and went without so much as a stomach growl. The party was still in full swing when Yvonne finally tapped me on the shoulder, surprising me. With a fully loaded tray of dirty dishes on my shoulder I turned quickly in the middle of the crowded floor. “Wha-?” I started as a man pushed his chair back into me and I felt my tray start to tip. Yvonne and I watched helplessly as an avalanche of dirty forks overtook an old woman sitting to my left.

“Ack!” she screamed and jumped up faster than one would think a woman of her age would be able to.

“I’m sorry, ma’am!” Yvonne was quickly by her side, trying to calm her.

“There’s one down my dress!” she hollered and danced around, knocking into other customers. I danced with her, trying to stay far enough way so she wouldn’t knock the rest of my tray over. “It fell down my dress!”

“Just hold still, ma’am,” Yvonne yelled over the crowd as people turned from their meals to stare. “I’ll help you get it out.” The woman only jumped around more frantically as Yvonne tried vainly to grab her arms.

At last, a younger man who had been sitting across the table from her managed to make his way over and grab her. “Mother, please just calm down so we can sort this out.” Hearing her son’s voice, the old woman stopped abruptly and a silence fell over the crowd as they watched. Just then there was a clink as the fork fell out of the bottom of the woman’s dress and clattered on the floor. Yvonne, the woman, her son and I all stared down at the offending utensil.

After a long pause, Yvonne said quietly, “I’ll make sure you get a dry cleaning voucher, ma’am. Excuse me.” I followed her quickly out of the room. “What was that?” she shrieked as soon as we were out of hearing range.

Immediately on the defensive, I yelled, “It wasn’t my fault! Some guy backed his chair into me!”

“Well you should know better by now! You should have seen it coming!” she yelled back.

“It was just an accident!” I screamed.

“An accident? You made an old lady crap a fork!” she screamed back.

As I struggled for an appropriate reply, we both became aware of our audience. “Bravo, darlings!” Queen Mary said dryly. There was a smattering of applause from the kitchen staff as she walked over, sweeping a cushioning arm around each of us. “There will be no encore,” she called over her shoulder as she herded us into her office. “Now, now girls. Sit down.”

Yvonne plopped angrily into a chair but I hesitated. “I really should get back down there. It’s almost time to serve dessert and half the room still needs to be cleared.”

Queen Mary nodded calmly. “There will always be another plate to clear but we must take care of each other. You know, family first.” Yvonne rolled her eyes and sighed loudly as the Queen continued, “Now I know it’s late and you’ve been here all day, Vonnie so after dessert when their program starts, you’re on break for half an hour.”

“But…” Yvonne spluttered.

“And you, darling Cara, will go on break as soon as she returns for the second half of the program. I’m sorry it’s not more but that’s the best we’ll get tonight, I’m afraid.” So much for state-mandated breaks.

“Fine,” I said, still feeling a little huffy and turned towards the door.

“We need a union,” Yvonne growled and stood up, following me down the stairs. After that incident, we worked quickly and it wasn’t long before the old woman and the rest of the room was happily settled with their fruit tarts watching an animated presentation of Today’s Beef Industry and You. I took my station at the back of the room next to the coffee pot as Yvonne breezed by me without a word.

The presentation was oddly scintillating and it wasn’t until the closing credits were about to roll when I realized Yvonne still wasn’t back. Glancing at my watch, I noticed she’d been gone over fifty minutes. Seething, I stomped back into the kitchen. After checking the locker room, the office and even the fridge I finally had to give her up for lost. We are supposed to be back in the Z room in five minutes to clean up which means, of course, that I will get no break whatsoever. As I stalked passed the elevator I remembered my promise to Lucien. I should at least run upstairs and tell him I won’t be done for a while. Bypassing my arch nemesis the elevator, I took the stairs instead, pushing through the crowds in the lounge until I got to the bar. It was empty which is quite surprising since however irresponsible Lucien is, he never leaves the bar unattended. Something’s got to be wrong. Letting myself in through the swinging door, I quickly continued through the door to the hallway. I heard them before I saw them. Actually, due to the blackness of the hallway, I couldn’t see them at all. Which is probably a good thing.

“Yeah, baby! You going to make me a member of the mile-high club?”

“It’s an elevator, not an airplane,” I heard Yvonne say curtly.

“Always the practical one, that’s you.” Lucien’s low laugh.

“Shut up and kiss me.”

“Your wish is my command.”

The lights in the bar seemed ultra bright and blurry through my tear-filled eyes. “Hey babe!” a guy on the other side of the counter yelled. “Can I get a coffee over here?” Without a word, I slammed the Be Right Back! sign on the counter and ran for the stairs, bouncing off customers like the token in a game of Plinko.

The night air took my breath away as I burst through the back doors and plopped on a milk crate in the snow, the tears streaking down my face. How could I be so stupid? I am such an idiot! Of course I’m not special. Of course he said all that junk. Brooklyn was right. I’m not anybody. It was just a stupid kiss, a nothing to him! I can’t believe I even thought it was anything! Great. This is just what I need after my failure of a biology test this morning and my uncomfortable scene with Tex last night. Add to that my crusty pants and well, I have to say it. My life just sucks! Seriously! I dropped my face in my hands and tried not to cry audibly. You want to know the worst part of it? That kiss was everything to me. I totally bought it. The whole million tiny bubbles.

“Hey,” Ryan said lightly, “I don’t usually see you out here! You want a smoke?” Pulling up a milk crate, he offered me a cigarette.

I forced myself to look up, speaking with a husky voice. “No thanks.”

“Ohhh!” he said, drawing out the words into three syllables. “I gotcha.” Smoking silently, he patted my back. “Rough night for everyone I think.” I nodded. “No worries, no worries,” he said soothingly. His kind tone made something inside me snap and I started bawling. Wrapping my arms around my knees, I buried my face in my lap and cried. After a few minutes it occurred to me – my pants really really stink. Covering my mouth and nose with my hand, I looked up.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, more than a little embarrassed.

“Anything I can do?” Ryan said as if he encountered sobbing waitresses out here on a regular basis. And who knows? Maybe he does.

I sniffed and wiped my nose on my shirt. “I’m all right, thanks.”

“I dunno,” he shrugged. “A cry like that usually means something’s wrong. Why don’t you just wait here and I’ll grab your stuff.”

“But…” I started.

“I’ll tell the Queen you went home sick. No worries, all the parties are winding down. I’ll stay and help clean up.” Without even waiting for my reply, he tossed his cigarette into the snow where it landed straight up among a tiny frozen forest of other butts, and went inside. I stared at the stars, twinkling so brightly in the clear night sky that my eyes ached, until he returned. Walking me to my car, he dropped my purse on the front seat, waiting until the car started. “Just go home, get some rest, ok?”

“Thanks, Ryan,” I whispered. I. Am. Such. An. Idiot.

“No worries,” he repeated his mantra as I shut the door and drove off. Numbly I drove home, arriving with no remembrance of stop signs, traffic lights or even my route. I stumbled up the stairs with the intent to take a hot shower, climb into my jammies and fall into bed. There was a light on in the kitchen when I walked in. Looking at my watch I could see it was past midnight.

I was tempted to just skirt the living room and head straight for my bathroom but my desire to have company for my misery led me past the kitchen. I stuck my head in, focusing my red-rimmed eyes on Jill. It took me a minute to absorb the strangeness of the scene. All the cabinets were emptied out, the fridge hung open with half of its contents vomited out on the floor, and the stove was dismantled, the pieces scattered across the kitchen. “What are you doing?” I asked thickly.

Jill looked up at me with overbright eyes and chirped, “Oh hi! I didn’t even hear you come in!” She held up a toothbrush and what I think is a bundt pan although I wasn’t even aware we owned one so I’m not really sure. “Just doing a little spring cleaning! Nathan’s parents are coming over for brunch tomorrow and I want everything to be just perfect!”

“But it’s midnight and I thought you already met Nate’s parents,” I said, still trying to identify all the items in the room. Did this really all come from our kitchen? Hey! We have a sandwich maker!

She shook her head jerkily. “Nope. They were supposed to come over for dinner a couple of weeks ago but Nathan’s father was called out of town on business so they had to cancel. Tomorrow’s the big day.”

Then it dawned on me. “Hey! That’s my toothbrush!”

“Oopsie,” she said. “Couldn’t find a spare. Hope you don’t mind.”

I grabbed it out of her gloved fingers. “Of course I mind! It’s MY toothbrush!”

Her eyes flashed and she stood up, reaching for the toothbrush. “Well I need it! I’ll buy you a new one! Besides, you might as well give it to me, I already used it to clean the grout in the tile.”

“What?” I shrieked, my last genteel nerve snapping. “You psycho!” I yelled as she lunged for the toothbrush, grabbing on and trying to wrestle it out of my hand. We tumbled to the floor as she pried my fingers off the plastic handle.

“Just…let…me…borrow…it!” she said through gritted teeth.

“What’s wrong with you?” I barked as I jerked backwards, knocking over a stack of pots. We both winced as they clattered loudly and then fell silent. “Just use a washcloth or a toothpick or something if you need to get that detailed.”

She blinked rapidly and fidgeted her hands as I examined the long scratch marks down my arm. “Okay, okay,” she said breathing rapidly and pulling a list out of her sweatshirt pocket. “I guess you’re right,” she said going down her list, “I could use a toothpick to clean out around the edges of the sink and the cracks in the baseboards. Okay, okay.” She bounced on her feet and looked back at me. “Thanks,” she said, suddenly reasonable.

“Um, you’re welcome?” I replied warily. “Maybe you should just, you know, take a break for a minute.”

“Right! Take a break!” She picked up a warm diet Coke off the counter and then popped four little yellow pills out of their tinfoil package. I recognize those pills. Tossing them in her mouth, she chugged them down with a mouthful of the Coke. “Okay,” she said rubbing her hands together. “Now where can I find a toothpick?”

“You’re seriously going to clean all the cracks in the baseboards? Tonight?” I asked incredulously.

“Oh, yeah! They’re so disgusting!” she replied seriously, nodding like a bobblehead. “It’s like they’ve never been cleaned!”

“They probably haven’t,” I commented as I watched her sift through a pile of junk on the table.

“Now I think I saw a toothpick as part of a take-out packet over here…Aha!” she produced a plastic baggie. Grinning, she pulled out a plastic fork, a packet of jam, a napkin, a mint, and…nothing. “What?” she gasped as she turned the baggie inside out. “It has to be in here! Where is it?” She looked desperately at me as if I might be harboring the fugitive toothpick. I shrugged helplessly. “I have to find it!” she said shrilly. “Look on that counter over there! Maybe it fell out when I moved it.”

I held up my hands. “Sorry, Jill. I’m going to take a shower and then go to bed.” My head pounded as my mind went back to that dark hallway and creaking elevator.

“You have to stay!” she yelled, her voice cracking.

“Sorry,” I mumbled and turned back to the door.

“Wait!” Something about her tone made me turn around and I saw her crouching in the middle of the destroyed kitchen, tears running down her face.

I walked back to her and took her arm gently. “Go to bed, Jill. Seriously. You’re too tired.”

“I’m not!” she screamed. “I’m fine! I can do this! I don’t even need a toothpick! I’ll be just fine!” She was shaking as she pulled the foil package back out of her pocket and popped out a handful of pills. I watched as she swallowed them dry. Man, she must have enough caffeine in her veins to topple the Energizer bunny but she kept going. “Just help me find the paring knife or…” she scanned the kitchen and saw my keys on the table. “Those will work!” She lunged towards them but I stopped her.

“Not my keys!” I grabbed her arms and pulled her back. “Will you just quit?”

“I can’t!” she sobbed, fighting me. “Don’t you understand? I can’t ‘just quit’! Everything has to be just right! And I don’t have time…” she gasped and stopped struggling. “I just have to make it through tonight, ok? Just tonight.” She looked pleadingly at me as she pulled out the foil packet again and popped the remainder of the pills out into her hand. “I can do this, I can do this.”

“Jill, don’t!” I said but she didn’t hear me.

Swallowing a pill she whispered, “His dad has diabetes so I have to make a sugar-free dessert.” Popping another one in, she continued, “His mom can’t use a bathroom unless it’s spotless.” Another pill. “I have to make rolls for the enrichment dinner tomorrow night.” Pill. “Plus I have two finals tomorrow for classes that I may or may not be failing.” Two pills. “Our refrigerator stinks.” Pill. “I’m in charge of the musical number for sacrament meeting Sunday.” Pill. “Nathan’s allergic to dust mites.” Pill. “I haven’t worked out yet today.” I watched in horror as she finished off the rest in her hand and took another drink of Coke. Pushing on her belly, she winced, “And my stomach won’t stop hurting.”

“Yeah, no kidding. How many pills did you just take?” I asked her. She let the empty foil package fall and I picked it up. “Where’s the rest, Jill?” I scanned the room looking for the bright yellow box. I finally spotted it in the garbage can. Rushing over I picked it up and shook it. It was empty. Flipping it over, I scanned the directions. Do not exceed maximum dosage of eight pills in twenty-four hours. How many pills are in a box? I finally found the answer on the front: fifty pills at 200 mg each... I did the mental math. That’s ten grams of caffeine! I spun around. “Jill! Did you take all these tonight? The whole box?” She didn’t answer or even turn around. Running over to her, I saw her hands gripping the back of the chair so tightly her fingers were white. I touched her rigid arm, “Jill – tell me how many pills you’ve had tonight!” Her eyes were glazed and despite the brightness of the light her pupils were huge. I watched the color drain from her red face. “Jill!” I screamed as she started to shake, her face taut and blank, jaw clenched tightly. “Jill!!” The tremors took over her body.

“What’s going on?” Jac stood in the doorway, shading her eyes from the light.

“I think Jill’s having a seizure!” I yelled as Jill shook harder and started to lean. Jac was to her side before I could blink, helping her to the floor.

“What happened?” she barked.

“I don’t know, I don’t know!” I cried. “She just said her stomach hurts and she took all these pills.”

“What pills?” Jac didn’t take her eyes off her convulsing sister, her own face mirroring the paleness of Jill’s.

“They’re just caffeine,” I said as Brooklyn burst in the room.

“What do we do?” Jac whispered and I wondered if she might faint.

“What’s wrong with Jill?” Brooklyn cried as Jill went limp on the floor.

Holding onto her wrist, I gasped. “Her heart’s beating like 200 beats a minute! And her skin is clammy. I think she’s going into shock.” I grabbed the phone off the table. “I’m calling 911.”

“What?” Brooklyn screamed as I punched the numbers in. Jac just stared vacantly.

“Go upstairs. Get Nick and Darrel right now,” I ordered Brooklyn in my calmest voice. “Tell them Jill needs a blessing.”

“Are you out of your mind?” she shrieked. “We can’t waste time getting her a blessing! She could die on our floor!” She covered her mouth with her hand and started to cry.

“She’s still breathing. She’s not going to die!” I said firmly, keeping an eye on Jac to see what effect, if any, Brooklyn’s words had on her. She remained impassive. “Now go! If we’re not here, meet us at the hospital.”

“911. What’s the nature of your emergency?”

Brooklyn left as I explained the situation to the woman. As soon as she assured me an ambulance was on the way, I turned back to Jac. “I have to go out front to signal the ambulance. Wait here with Jill, ok?” She didn’t answer me. “Jac? Do you understand?”

Picking Jill’s tiny body up as if it were a doll, Jac held her sister and rocked her, the tears streaming down her face. Meeting my eyes, she nodded. Darting out the front door, I tripped over Brooklyn who was sitting on the top step in her pajamas in the snow bawling her eyes out. “What are you doing?” I barked.

“It’s…all…my…fault!” she sobbed. “I knew she had those pills! I didn’t think they could hurt her though.”

“Agh!” I screamed and pulled her up. “We do not have time for this right now! Do you hear me?” She cried and I yanked her to her feet. “Go to the bottom of the stairs and wait for the ambulance, ok? Show them our apartment.” Pushing her in the right direction, I vaulted up the stairs. C301. I pounded on the door. “Nick! Darrel! Somebody!”

After an agonizing minute where the only noise I could hear over my pounding was Brooklyn crying, Kyle finally jerked the door open. “What the-?”

“Where’s Nick and Darrel? Jill’s sick. We need help.”

“What?” Nick appeared at the doorway.

Glancing over my shoulder at the still empty street I said hurriedly. “Come with me right now!” I saw the TV click off behind them as Darrel, Tex and Roy came to the door also. “We’re waiting for an ambulance. Please come give her a blessing!”

“Jill?” Darrel’s face went ash white. “I’m coming!” he yelled and pushed past me, not even pausing to put on shoes.

“Well go on, man!” Kyle elbowed Nick who dropped his head and muttered something.

“What?” I asked looking up and down the street again.

“I can’t,” he said louder. “I’m sorry. I can’t give blessings right now.”

There was a brief uncomfortable silence as all of us stared at him. “I’ll come,” Tex said pulling on his shoes. “Let’s go!” he slid past Kyle and grabbed my arm.

“Thanks,” I said gratefully as we pounded down the stairs. To where Brooklyn is still standing! “Brooklyn!” I started and then stopped myself. It’s obvious she’s having a break down. “Go inside with Tex! I’ll go out and wait for the ambulance.” Tex nodded at me and pushed Brooklyn back in the apartment as I jumped down the stairs. As soon as I hit the parking lot, I heard the sirens. Running to the middle, I jumped up and down and waved my arms.

“20-year-old female overdose?” The paramedic called out as soon as he reached me.

“Yeah, up here!” I called and turned to run back up the stairs, my breath coming in painful bursts. I saw lights coming on and a couple of doors opened as we passed but I didn’t care. “They’re here!” I yelled as I burst in the front door and ran to the kitchen. The scene was almost as I had left it. Jac still sat rocking Jill in her arms but there was a calmness in her face that hadn’t been there before. Brooklyn leaned against Tex, her crying temporarily ceased and Darrel still knelt on the floor next to Jill’s head.

They all scattered like bowling pins as the EMTs ran into the room and immediately checked her breath and pulse. “She’s tachy!” A woman called out as they lifted her onto the stretcher. “What has she had?”

I handed the box to her. “She took all of them.”

“BP’s 60 over 40!” An EMT interjected.

“All of them?” her eyes opened wide.

“I think so,” I answered as the man called, “I’ve got an airway!”

“Right, let’s go!” the EMT replied as another helped him lift the stretcher. “We need an EKG pronto.”

“Are you a relative?” the woman turned to me. “We need someone to ride with us and give us her history.”

I shook my head and pointed at Jac who was already on her feet. “That’s her twin.”

“Come on, then!” she grabbed Jac and followed the stretcher out.

“We’ll follow you and meet you there!” I called after them. The four of us stood listening to the rattling of the windows after the door slammed shut. I swallowed back the tears that were suddenly in my throat and twisted my shaking hands together. “We should go,” I whispered.

“I’ll drive y’all,” Tex said as we hurried to the door. He handed me my sweatshirt and squeezed my arm as we ran down the stairs. “You did good.”

“How’d you know what to do?” Brooklyn asked as soon as we were all seated in Tex’s car.

“Honestly?” I smiled. “First aid training at Girl’s Camp.”

“Man, I really shouldn’t have skipped that class to lay out at the beach. Anyhow, you’re definitely in the right major,” she said solemnly. “We’re lucky you were there. I was kind of freaking out.”

No kidding. “It’s okay now.” A sense of relief washed over me as I realized that Jill was safe now. “Besides, you seem a lot better now. What happened?”

Brooklyn stared out the window and said quietly, “It was the blessing.”

“What?” I looked at Tex. “What did you say?”

He smiled, “I just did the anointing, Darrel blessed her.”

Turning around to Darrel, I repeated my question. He shook his head, running his fingers through his hair. “Me? I just said what the Spirit told me to.”

“Which was?” I prodded looking at Brooklyn.

“I don’t know,” she whispered. “I was crying so hard and I was so, well, mad that I didn’t even hear what they were saying. But then this incredible peace just came over me. And it wasn’t just me, you could see everyone in the room felt it.” She sniffled and covered her mouth, “Even Jill.” Tex nodded as she continued, “You could almost see something change in her. And Jac, well, she didn’t look like she was going to keel over any more. It was like this warm blanket just went over all of us and I knew, I just knew, that everything was going to be all right.”

“Did you say that?” I asked Darrel. “Did you bless Jill to be healed?”

He shook his head gently. “I didn’t say she would be healed. But, like Brooklyn, I do know that everything will be all right.”

“But what does that mean?” I said exasperated. “Is she going to be all right in this life or the next one?”

Tex chuckled, “It means, missy, that the Lord is aware of Jill’s situation and loves her. That ‘all things will work together’ for Jill’s good. That even in something as out of control as an overdose, he is still in control.”

“That’s right!” Brooklyn interjected. “I remember you said that, Darrel. That Jill needs to learn to through this experience to trust the Lord, to allow him to calm the storms in her life.”

“And then he quoted the Savior ‘Peace, be still.’” Tex added.

“And that’s exactly what happened,” Brooklyn said, the awe still apparent in her voice. “At least in me. I stopped struggling. I was still.” I could hear the tears as she finished, “You could see it in Jac too and I think even Jill felt it.”

“How did you know to bless her with that?” I asked Darrel, still frustrated that I had missed it all. “How did you know that that was what she needed to hear?”

“I didn’t,” he sighed. “I didn’t have a clue of what to say. When you knocked on our door, I just ran downstairs in a panic. And then when I saw Jill just laying there…” He shook his head. “Anyhow, I couldn’t even remember how to start the prayer until after Tex finished anointing her and then this peace enveloped me and the words just came.” He smiled gently. “That’s the beauty of the priesthood. It wasn’t me or Tex talking, it was Heavenly Father speaking his love to Jill. The rest of us were just lucky to hear it.”

Brooklyn gave Darrel a considering look as Tex said, “I think we should say a prayer of thanks.” So that’s what we did.

………

Walking across the waiting room, her day-glo yellow pumps clicking loudly on the tile, Trinity made a face. “No fair having a party without me,” Trinity said, trying to inject some humor but failing miserably.

“How’d you know we were here?” I asked as she sat in a plastic chair next to Brooklyn.

“Alma Anne,” Trinity said bluntly. “Apparently she saw them taking Jill out on a stretcher and heard the paramedics say ‘overdose’ so now she’s the authority on everything.” She grimaced, “Don’t worry, the entire ward will know by breakfast if they don’t already.”

“Oh,” I sighed. Jac didn’t break her gaze from Jill’s door.

“So how’s our girl doing?” Trinity asked, the concern evident in her face. “I mean, I know we’ve had our differences lately but I love her like crazy,” her voice cracked and she looked away. “I hope she knows that.”

I shrugged, “We haven’t heard anything since we got here. I guess she’s stable though since people aren’t running in and out of her room like mad anymore.”

“You girls can come in now,” the nurse said and Jac, Brooklyn, Trinity and I jumped to our feet.

“I guess I’ll be goin’ now,” Tex stood and pulled Darrel up with him. “Y’all will probably want some time alone now I imagine.”

He elbowed Darrel who nodded and said, “Tell Jill I’ll be back tomorrow to visit her.” The plea was punctuated with a silent I love her.

Brooklyn gave me a knowing smile and replied, “Sure, we’ll tell her.”

Ushering us into the room, the nurse pulled back a curtain to reveal Jill, still pale but conscious now, lying in a hospital bed. “The doctor will be with you in a moment.”

“How are you?” I said quietly but Jill didn’t reply.

She stared at Jac, her blue eyes intense and sad. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered, the tears overflowing and matting her dark lashes. “I’m so so sorry.” Jac didn’t say anything but ran to Jill and threw her arms around her. The two sobbed and rocked for what seemed like hours before Jill finally scooted over and Jac climbed on the bed, lying down next to her.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” I said once they had settled.

“Me too,” Jill answered, smiling for the first time since this whole mess had started.

“You had us all pretty worried,” Brooklyn said in the understatement of the year.

“No joke,” Trinity added, “I almost sh-,” Brooklyn and I looked at her sharply, “…shut up, ahem, when I heard the news.” Her face took on a more serious look and she grabbed Jill’s hand, “Don’t ever scare me like that again, ok?”

Jill smiled and patted her hand, “Ah, I didn’t know you cared.”

Trinity grinned and jumped on the bed, “Well who would I fight with if you’re not around? None of these pansies could take me on!”

Jill giggled and was about to answer when there was a knock at the door. The doctor came in holding a clipboard and looking very stern. “How are you feeling?” he asked Jill.

“I’m fine now,” she replied contritely. “Thank you.”

Walking over to the stand holding her IV he checked some numbers against the clipboard before sighing and turning back to Jill. “You’re welcome. You gave us quite a scare you know.” Jill looked down at the blanket as he continued, “Your overdose caused a ventricular tachyarrhythmia causing your heart to fibrillate and your body to be deprived of oxygen. It’s very serious and I think it’s safe to say if you hadn’t received immediate help, you would have died.” Brooklyn gasped and I sat down heavily on the edge of the bed. “In fact,” he said, “I understand the paramedics had to use the AED on you.”

“The what?” Trinity said as Jac’s face went white at the memory.

“Automatic external defibrillator,” I whispered to Trinity. “They had to shock her heart back to normal.”

“Like on ER?” Trinity said in awe, her black-rimmed eyes widening.

“Not like on TV,” the doctor said sternly. “It was a very dangerous situation and we could have lost your friend here.” He turned back to Jill, “The tox screen came back showing a potentially lethal dose of caffeine in your system. We gave you activated charcoal through an NG tube which absorbed the excess but you are still hypokalemic, hypotensive, and diaphoretic so you will have to stay here until we get you back to normal.” The nurse entered and the doctor handed her the clipboard, “Keep her on the esmolol and monitor her vitals every twenty minutes.” The nurse nodded and started to adjust the machines as the doctor turned to go. “Now I know it’s finals week for you kids but no test is worth this!”

“I’m sorry,” Jill said weakly. “I didn’t think it was that bad.”

The doctor shook his head, “Caffeine is a drug just like any other and can be abused just like any other.” Then smiling gently he said, “Get some rest now. Your parents called. They’ll be here in the morning.”

As soon as he left, I stood up. “We should go then, let you get some rest.”

“No, wait!” Jill said plaintively. “I don’t want to stay here alone.” I shrugged and sat back down. Truth is, I’m too jazzed to sleep now anyways. At least my finals are over. “I’m sorry,” Jill said again. “I didn’t mean to put you all through this. I just,” her hands fluttered helplessly on top of the bedclothes, “I just thought I could do it, you know?”

“Do what?” Jac asked.

“Be perfect,” she sighed. “Oh I know I’m not perfect but I just thought I could pull it off for a day you know. Just one perfect day.” She cocked her head to the side and smiled wistfully. “And I got so close…”

“That’s your problem,” Jac said quietly.

“What?” Brooklyn and I said simultaneously.

“Your problem, Jilly Bean, is that you got so close. You’re amazing! You do great things. And I think that you thought you were doing it all on your own. That if you just tried hard enough, you could make everything perfect.” Jill nodded and took a deep breath. “But you forgot one thing – as good and as wonderful as you are, you aren’t perfect. Not even for one day. No matter how hard you try. Nobody is. That’s why we need the Savior.”

Jill pursed her lips together, “I just didn’t want to burden him anymore! I mean, aren’t we supposed to do everything we can first and then let Christ do the rest?”

“Yes,” Jac said carefully, “but we are also commanded not to run faster than we have strength. Besides, the downfall of trying to make ourselves perfect is that we don’t know how to do it! Only Heavenly Father can see the grand scheme and know what we need to become like him. And only through the Atonement can we follow his will.”

“But the Atonement is for repenting of our sins!” Brooklyn exclaimed. “Jill wasn’t sinning by trying to be perfect. She was trying to do God’s will!”

“No, I was trying to do my will,” Jill said simply. “I was trying to tell God what to do.”

“Besides,” Jac said, “the Atonement isn’t just repenting. It’s becoming ‘at one’ with Christ, it’s aligning our will with his. We have to acknowledge that his way is not just the best way but the only way to eternal happiness.”

“Ah, another man telling us what to do,” Brooklyn said, the tinge of bitterness evident in her tone.

Jac shook her head, “When Christ suffered in Gethsemane, he didn’t just take our sins on him, he took our whole lives on him! He knows in a very visceral way exactly what each of us has gone through, is going through and will go through in our lives. Not even we know that about ourselves because of our limited perspective. Wouldn’t you want him to tell you what to do?”

Brooklyn shrugged as I broke in, “How are we supposed to learn for ourselves then?”

“That’s where our moral agency comes in. He only tells us when we ask him and he never ever forces us to do it his way.”

Tears welled up Jill’s eyes as she whispered, “He will let us fall.”

“And he hurts with you when you do,” Jac said wrapping her arms around Jill again.

A muffled noise turned my attention to Trinity who had so far been silent in this whole conversation. Black mascara tears ran down her pale cheeks and she asked quietly, “Do you guys really believe that? That there is someone out there who knows everything we’ve been through? And that he cares?”

I nodded and took her hand. “I’ve known that my whole life,” I said and I realized with a surety that I had.

Jill nodded as Jac answered, “Absolutely. I couldn’t live if I didn’t believe that.”

Brooklyn sighed and answered, “I want to believe it. With my whole heart, I do.”

Trinity looked at us, “You guys don’t know how lucky you are.” She wiped at her eyes, smearing her makeup even worse, “I can’t even tell you what that would have meant to me at the darkest times in my life to know that. I would have given anything just to know someone heard my cries and cried with me. They wouldn’t even have to make it better – it would have been enough just to know someone cared!”

“He did cry with you,” Jac said softly. “And he does care. Even now, he remembers with you and cries with you.” She patted Trinity’s knee. “And the best part is that although he won’t take the bad experiences away from us, he will make them better. He can make our weak things become a strength to us if we will let him.”

Trinity stifled a sob, “How do you know though? How do you know he’s there?”

“Well tonight is a perfect example,” Jill said.

“Yeah,” she nodded, “you are lucky to be alive.”

“Not lucky.” Jill said emphatically. “Blessed.”

“You were blessed to OD, have your heart stop, get shocked, have your stomach pumped and then wind up in the hospital?” Brooklyn said incredulously.

“Actually, tonight has been a series of small miracles,” Jill answered. “The first one was that I was blessed when you,” she nodded at me, “showed up at just the right time.”

“Which really was a miracle,” I said, the realization of what had happened dawning on me.

“That’s right,” Trinity said looking at me. “How did you get home so early? You weren’t scheduled to be off until I was!”

“Which would have been too late for me,” Jill whispered.

I sighed, chagrined that I hadn’t seen it before and yet reassured that the Lord’s hand was even in my mistakes. “I left early because I saw, well heard, Lucien and Yvonne making out in the elevator.”

“Eww!” Trinity made a face as Brooklyn gasped and grabbed my hand. “Wait, why did you have to leave though?”

“Because,” I took a deep breath, “I kissed Lucien on Saturday.” Trinity and Jill both gasped and Jac simply raised her eyebrow. “Actually, he kissed me and I thought that it meant something but apparently it didn’t.” I paused as I felt my stomach churn and I wanted to cry all over again. “I mean, I know it’s stupid,” I sniffed, “but it was my first kiss and I really liked him and I thought he liked me too!” I couldn’t stop the tears now. “I feel like such an idiot!”

“You’re not an idiot,” Jill said firmly. “He’s the idiot. Not to mention a jerk and a creep.”

“I’ll second that!” Trinity said and then added, “I can’t believe he kissed you! What a perv.”

“Anyhow,” I shrugged, “I was so upset about it that I went home early. Actually Ryan made me go home early.”

“Yay Ryan!” Trinity interjected.

“And then I was just going to go to bed but I saw the light on in the kitchen and found Jill cleaning like Mr. Clean on crack,” Jill winced as I finished, “and decided to go talk to her.”

“And if you hadn’t been there when I OD’d then you couldn’t have called 911 and told them what I took and,” she sighed heavily, “I probably would’ve died.”

“Wow,” Trinity said simply.

“The second miracle was the blessing,” Jill continued.

“What?” Brooklyn said incredulously. “You heard that? I thought you were like, passed out.”

Jill shrugged, “It was the weirdest thing. I did faint but then when I came to, it was like my body was frozen. I could hear everything but I couldn’t move or talk or even blink. I could barely breathe.” She shivered. “It was the most horrible feeling in the world. I thought I was paralyzed and I totally freaked out. Inside, I was just fighting and screaming trying to get my body to work. And then,” she took a deep breath, “I felt someone’s hands on my head.” A tear slid down her cheek, “And I knew I was getting a blessing. As soon as Darrel started talking, it was like I just stopped fighting. My whole soul relaxed and I wasn’t afraid anymore.” She paused as Jac stroked her hair. “I could just hear this voice in my mind. He said ‘Peace, be still.’ And this incredible sense of love. I knew that he loved me so much! I knew it more than I’ve ever known anything.”

“Who? Darrel?” Trinity wrinkled her nose.

Jill shook her head, “No, it was Christ. He was there with me, holding me.”

Jac added, “The priesthood isn’t for showing the love of the holder for the person being blessed, although that may be conveyed also, but it’s to demonstrate the love of the Father for this specific child of his.”

A light went on in Brooklyn’s eyes and she nodded. “Yeah, I think I know what you’re talking about. I felt it too. It was strange, even though Jill was the one getting the blessing I felt like I was the one blessed.” Hugging herself, she finished quietly, “I’ve never felt that before.”

We sat holding hands on the bed, no one wanting to break the warm, comforting silence until the phone rang. Jill looked surprised and then picked it up. “It’s Nathan,” she whispered after a brief conversation. “He’s on his way over.” She looked at Jac, “He said you called and left a message.” Jac nodded. “Thanks,” Jill smiled.

“I love you, Jilly,” Jac said and hugged her

………

Oh my GOSH!
I can’t believe you’re no longer in the VLC! And with an older man too! I’m so jealous! How was it? You didn’t tell me anything in your e-mail. You can’t just drop a bomb like that and not tell me the whole story! You’d better call me. Or I’ll call you tonight. You rock, girl!
Luvs,
Maura
- posted by Charlotte @ 10:15 PM