Chapter Three - Feast on the Word?
“It’s the revenge of Chucky. What do you think?” Jill stopped eating her cereal long enough to look up and gauge my reaction. I stared past her, out the darkened window and took another bite from my own bowl.

Now, if you think we’re up crazy-early because it’s dark and we’re eating cereal, you’d be wrong. In college, cold cereal is an any-time meal. Heck, it’s practically a three-course meal if you have enough bowls. You can start out with a dry mini-wheat appetizer then move on to a main course of something hearty like granola before ending your meal on a sweet note with Fruity Pebbles. And, oh yeah, it has milk too – just drink the dregs and you’ve got your beverage. I think it also says a lot about the kind of person you are. For instance, Jill is eating Wheaties (official sponsor of the olympics!) mixed with Cocoa Puffs (official sponsor of the sugar rush!). I won’t even comment on the fact she’s washing it down with a Diet Dr. Pepper, at ten o’clock at night no less. As for me, I’m having Grape Nuts with exactly one packet of Splenda, read into that what you will. So anyhow, Jill just happened to be at the table when I returned home from work. (And my second night went much better than my first, thanks for asking.)

“I think,” I said, eyeing Jill’s master plan which looked complicated enough to be a bank heist, “that Chucky would be proud.” I crunched loudly and swallowed. “If he weren’t already decomposing in a landfill somewhere.”

“Exactly,” Jill pursed her lips primly, “which is why we are going to do this.”

“Do what?” Jac asked, stomping into the kitchen and tearing open a package of beef jerky with her teeth. Jill held up the paper and Jac groaned, “Oh, not this again!”

“Do it for Chucky!” Jill pleaded as Jac popped a few nuggets in her mouth and swallowed them.

I giggled, “That should be on a t-shirt.”

“How about ‘Chucky made me do it’? And he could even be wearing a little cheerleading skirt,” Jac replied to me, glaring at her sister who sighed loudly. “You want me to scale the building and climb onto their deck! In the middle of the night!”

“It’s the only way,” Jill said solemnly. “You’re the only one of us tall enough to reach their balcony!” I examined the piece of paper in front of me more closely. It was a detailed map of C301’s living room, complete with gi-normous TV, bean bags and overflowing garbage can. She’d even take care to draw exactly where the wires ran from the PS2 to the couch and the spot where they all dropped their book bags immediately upon entering. “Besides, it’s perfect!” Jill’s eyes took on an excited glow as Jac just growled and pulled out her protein powder and the blender. “If we can pull this one off, we can end the prank war forever!”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s genius,” Jac muttered.

“I have to admit there is a certain level of artistry here,” I said and Jill smiled.

“Well it will take a lot of planning and flawless, I mean flawless, execution.” The roar of the blender interrupted Jill as Jac pureed frozen blueberries, yogurt, juice and protein powder into a slightly green concoction. “And the first step must take place tomorrow. At church.”

Jill eyed us both as Jac sighed and left the room with her glass. “Church, really? Isn’t that a little sacrilegious?”

“Oh, don’t worry,” she replied hastily, “we won’t have to break the Sabbath or anything. We’re just going to lay the foundation.”

“What do we have to do?” I hated to ask but curiosity got the better of me.

“Ah…” she grinned, “I will give you instructions on a need-to-know basis. Just be ready.”
………

The singles ward. It’s been the subject of many jokes, talks and even a movie. It’s both revered as a celestial mate-finding ground and hated as a terrestrial meat market. But no matter how you feel about it, if you are a single, active LDS college student, then it’s just a part of life. Even if you aren’t active, chances are they’ll find you out and show up on your doorstep anyways. I’m nervous of course, never having attended one before but I’m determined to make my peace with it early on.

“How do I look?” Trinity capped off her Donna Reed flip with a tiny pink pillbox hat that coordinated perfectly with her pink high heels. “I’m supposed to wear a dress to church, right?” she continued as the rest of us continued to stare at her black ‘40’s style dress with full skirt covered in what looked like pink polka-dots but on closer inspection turned out to be pink, smiling skulls.

“Yeah…” Jill said, at a loss for words for the first time since I met her.

“You look great,” I smiled at her, my generic flowered skirt and white shirt looking better with every second.

“You look surprised,” Trinity laughed as she checked her makeup in the glass by the door. “What? You didn’t think I was a member?”

“Uh…I uh, um,” I stammered, remembering her sipping what had looked like a cup of coffee at work on our break.

“’Cause I’m not.” She laughed again. “But you know, now that I’m living in the land o’ Mormons I figured I should at least try and blend in.” Brooklyn’s eyebrow shot up almost to her hairline as Jac coughed. “Church is like a cultural thing here, right?”

“I guess so,” I replied, realizing I’d never thought about it in quite those terms before but she did have a point.

“Live like the natives, I always say. So, if I were in Paris, I’d go to the Louvre. Since I’m in Utah I’ll go to church. And maybe eat some Jell-O. Oh, do you have Jell-O at church?”

No one answered her. I held the door open as Jill paused to knock one last time on Andie’s door. “And-IE! We’re leaving for church right now!” A mumbled response I couldn’t make out oozed out from under the door but it still didn’t open. “Whatever,” Jill sighed and walked out. I was slightly disappointed. I still haven’t met Andie and she’s beginning to take on mythic proportions in my mind. You know, who shot JFK, do yetis really exist and do I actually have a sixth roommate?

“Ooooh! I even have gloves! Check it out!” Trinity elbowed me as we made our way out the door.

Naturally we arrived at church about five minutes late but it hadn’t started yet so we quickly found seats in a back pew, several rows behind C301. The talking died down as the prelude music stopped and the bishop took the stand. He was a short man with a face more youthful than suggested by his gray hair. “I’m Bishop Jacobsen and I’d like to welcome you all at the beginning of this new semester to the University 49th Ward…” his blue eyes shown in his tan skin and he smiled infectiously. I smoothed my skirt nervously and tucked my hair behind my ears. Being new, I felt a little incongruous already and it didn’t help that Trinity was pressed into my right side asking me questions in a stage whisper every few seconds like I was her personal tour guide.

“What’s with that table up front? Why are there only guys sitting up there?” she asked loudly. I blushed as several people turned around to see the source of the question and then stayed turned around to stare longer once they saw who it was. “Oh! Is that where you sacrifice the virgins?”

A few people tittered as I grabbed her still-pointing hand, whispering, “There’s no sacrificing! Ever. That’s the sacrament table. There’s just bread and water on it.”

“Jell-O too?” Trinity asked hopefully, earning herself a dark glare from Jill and a loud sigh from Brooklyn.

“Were you this loud in the Louvre?” I whispered and she fell silent.

We moved quickly through the opening song, prayer and announcements. After the sacrament, during which Trinity made a grand show of tasting the bread and water like they were fancy hors d’oveures (“the bread is a little dry but this water is fabulous – is it artesian?”), two girls gave talks on the importance of scripture study in addition to our regular studies and then the bishop stood again. “Since we have so many new students with us today, I’d like to talk to you for a few minutes about the importance of the ward family.” I felt the knot loosen a little in my stomach as I realized that probably half the ward was as new as I was.

The bishop continued in his confident voice, “Many of you are away from your home, your parents, for the first time. You are living on your own, managing school, jobs and relationships all on your own. It’s exciting isn’t it?” He paused as several people nodded and smiled. “It’s can also be a little scary and overwhelming at times too.” I wanted to nod but restrained myself as Brooklyn glanced at me out of the corner of her eye. “I want you all to know that you are not alone. This year, this ward will be like a family to you if you will let it.” I tried not to think of my mother and father sitting in their ward at home with all my siblings lined up between them like ducklings. “I urge all of you to make a special effort to attend all your meetings,” he scanned the congregation and there was an audible sound of shifting. “Fulfill your callings diligently. Attend family home evening and enrichment and ward activities. Be an active part of our family. Reach out to others and they will reciprocate.” I thought of Maura sitting in our Young Women’s class with all the other girls we’d grown up with and I missed them all keenly. “It’s easy to get lost in the shuffle, to let your testimony gather dust on a shelf as other things become more pressing.” I smiled confidently – that wouldn’t be me, I’ve always had a strong testimony of the church. “Now I will do my best, of course, but I ask each of you to not let yourselves get lost. In this time of new responsibilities in your lives, take this responsibility as well. If you need help, come talk to me. I’m available any time. I am here to help you.” He adjusted his tie and I could tell he was concluding. “You have come to a wonderful ward,” his voice got a little teary, “a loving ward and we are so grateful you are here. Come often, stay long, and feel the Savior’s love for each one of you.” As the bishop closed his talk and sat down, I felt a familiar warm feeling envelop me and I smiled.

“Awww…” Trinity dabbed melodramatically at her eyes with a lacy black handkerchief. “That was just beautiful.” As soon as the amen was said on the closing prayer she jumped to her feet. “Where’s the free food?”

Jill pursed her lips, “The linger longer isn’t until after the block.” She moved towards the end of the pew, preparing to join the flow going to Sunday School. The rest of us followed her to the doors out of the chapel where the bishop was shaking hands.

The line moved slowly but as we reached him his eyes lit up with genuine affection, “Jac,” he shook her hand, “Jill! How wonderful to see you both back this year! Our star athletes.” He took Brooklyn’s hand in his, still smiling and still managing not to look fake, “And it’s Brooke?”

“Brooklyn,” she said without smiling and I was surprised at her cool manner.

“Right. I’m sorry, I know I was introduced to you last week.” He continued to pump her hand enthusiastically, “I’ll get it right next time!”

“It’s fine,” she murmured and brushed past him

“And who’s this?” he exclaimed loudly. “A new roommate?”

“Yes,” I smiled and shook his hand. “This is my first Sunday here.”

“Well, welcome, welcome.” Just then he spied Trinity behind my shoulder. “Ah, Trinity! So good to see you again!” I did a double take as she extended her gloved hand around me. “It’s always wonderful to have you visiting with us.”

It was hard to tell underneath her pale base but I think she was blushing. “It’s always lovely to stop by, thanks for having me,” she said in a strange, affected accent as if she were doing a bad SNL impression of the Ladies Who Lunch.

Then we were past the clogged doorway and out into the relatively empty hallway. I followed Jac and Jill as they made their way into a doorway on their left. As we took our seats I stared at Trinity, “I thought this was your first time here.”

She looked away from me, “I never said that.”

“But all that stuff about the Louvre and cultural experiences and…”

“All true,” she said tartly. “I have to have something interesting to write home about.”

“So are you really a member?” I was seriously confused now.

“No, she’s not,” Jill leaned over her to talk to me. “She just likes to show up randomly and make a scene.” The Gospel Doctrine teacher had finished writing a long quote on the marker board and was now facing us. Trinity stuck out her tongue at Jill and I noticed her nose ring was back where it belonged.

“Where’s Brooklyn?” I asked as Tex from C301 sat in the empty chair next to me. “Hi,” I smiled awkwardly at him.

“Howdy, missy,” he replied and I could tell he wanted to tip the hat he wasn’t wearing.

“She wasn’t feeling good. She went home,” Jill answered me.

“Along with half the ward,” Trinity muttered under her breath, eyeing the still mostly empty room. The teacher clapped her hands and gave us a wide smile, signaling the start of class and we all quieted down.

We were half way through the lesson when Trinity handed me a neatly folded note. I looked at her, surprised, and she just pointed to Jill who was staring straight ahead at the teacher. I unfolded the piece of paper to read Get him to invite you over after family home evening tomorrow night! It wasn’t signed and after Jill’s earlier warning I waited for it to spontaneously combust or the ink to fade away. When nothing happened I leaned over until she met my eyes and then hissed, “What?” She grabbed the paper out of my hands and scribbled on it before handing it back to me, much to Trinity’s amusement as this was taking place mostly on her lap. It’s part of the plan! Get Tex to invite you over tomorrow!! “How?” I mouthed to her, causing Trinity to let out a loud snort. Getting guys to invite me over is certainly not my area of expertise. Now, if Jill had asked me to Google him on the Internet and find out his e-mail, screen name and if he has a criminal record, I could’ve done that in a flash. Heck, I probably could have even told her where he’s from, where he banks and what size of socks he wears but no, she wanted me ask him out. Crazy girl. The note, crumpled this time instead of folded, returned to me. You’re the one he sat next to, figure it out! Just do it or else!! I knew she meant or else I’d ruin her carefully constructed plan for revenge but the way it was written I almost expected her to flash me a gang sign or start cleaning her nails with a switchblade.

The teacher was winding down and Jill turned purposefully back towards the front, clenching her jaw tightly. “You’d better eat that,” Trinity whispered, pointing at the note.

“Huh?”

“It’s what any good spy would do, hellooo! Don’t you ever watch movies?”

I shrugged and whispered back, “Hellooo! I didn’t sign up for this!”

“Do you want him to see it?” she nudged me and I bumped, ever so slightly, into Tex’s shoulder.

“Oh, excuse me,” he muttered, not unkindly, as I blushed up to my hairline.

“Sorry,” I mumbled glaring at Trinity.

“What’s the big deal?” she hissed. “Just bat your eyelashes or something. Come on you must’ve picked something up from being Brooklyn’s roommate for a whole week now!”

Before I could reply, the closing prayer started and class was over. As soon as the prayer ended everyone rose and I jumped up, remembering too late about the note as I watched it fall to the ground.

“Oh, here, let me get that for ya,” Tex said quickly and scooped it up. I heard a sharp intake of breath behind me followed by a long pause. I waited for a thud as Jill passed out from lack of oxygen but instead I got a poke from Trinity.

He held out of the ball of paper to me, eyeing it curiously as I snatched it out of his hand. Then I realized I had nowhere to put it. My skirt had no pockets (note to designers: fashion and function, fashion AND function!) and Trinity had picked up my scripture case for me. So I did the first thing that came to mind. I shoved it in my mouth.

“Whoa! That must have been, uh, really important,” Tex started as Trinity barked out a laugh.

I chewed carefully, feeling Jill’s eyes boring a hole in my back, and tried to think of something remotely not stupid to say. It wasn’t possible. Trinity stepped in, “Those were her notes from class. This girl!” She shook her sadly like people do when they are talking about someone with a terminal illness.

“Wow, you give a whole new meaning to ‘feast on the word’” Tex said, a confused smile playing across his sincere face.

I swallowed loudly and with difficulty. “She’s so literal, this one!” Trinity laughed and put her arm around me. “Good thing we love her!”

“Uh, yeah,” I mumbled, my face beet red. “I’m a copious note taker.”

“Well I think that’s just great!” he beamed. “I’d love to hear your thoughts on today’s lesson. I thought Sister Benson’s comments on the pre-existence were just awesome.”

“I could come over tomorrow after F.H.E., if you want, and we could talk about it.” The words were out of my mouth before I could even think about it.

He looked down at me as if tilting his phantom hat, “Fan-tastic, missy!”

………

That night we had a “fancy” Sunday dinner meaning that while it still required minimal cooking at least took more effort than a microwave. Afterwards, we attended ward prayer back at the church and then had a roommate prayer once back at our apartment. I was kneeling by my bed, alternating between saying my personal prayer and falling asleep, when Brooklyn traipsed in. I ended my prayer quickly and stood up, watching her recline gracefully onto her bed like she was Sleeping Beauty.

“Hey, we missed you today,” I started, checking her over for signs of illness. She was the picture of youthful vitality.

“That’s nice,” she replied, pulling her comforter over her despite the fact it was still about 80 degrees in our room. We didn’t dare open our window for fear that C301 would get the jump on us with the next prank.

“Where were you?” Then realizing I probably sounded more like her mother than a roommate I tacked on, “The Linger Longer was awesome. We had a nacho bar and got to meet everyone.”

“Beans give me indigestion.” She pulled a cooling-cucumber gel mask over her eyes.

I tried again, “And you should have seen Jill! She spent, like, an hour talking to Nathan. You know, he’s the total hottie that’s, like, on the football team? Turns out he’s in the Elder’s Quorum presidency too. I think he’s the secretary but anyways, he’s totally perfect and Jill was like practically glowing and I asked Jac if she thought Nathan was the one and she said…”

“Do I care?” she interrupted.

“Huh?” I stopped lamely in my monologue.

“Seriously, Skipper. Do we have to talk about this? How old are you anyhow? You’re acting like a giddy Mia Maid.”

“Actually,” I swallowed, feeling dumb for going on and on like that. “I’m a Laurel.” She was right, of course, that was exactly the type of conversation Maura and I would have had. I should have known college people don’t talk like that. “Sorry,” I whispered.

“You’re what?” Brooklyn sat up and pushed her mask up on her forehead. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah, I’m seventeen. I graduated early from High School.”

“No kidding, huh.” She dropped back down onto her pillow. “Well, that explains so much…”

“What is that supposed to mean?” I retorted hotly.

Rolling on her side to face me, her face softened. “Oh, hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. That’s really awesome that you’re so freakishly smart. Look, I’m just really tired, ok?”

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled defensively. “I just wanted you to know I missed you at church.”

Her face took on the same cool demeanor I’d seen earlier when we’d met the bishop. “Can we just not talk about church?” I opened my mouth to reply but before I could she added, “Thanks,” and snapped off her lamp. I listened to the crystal beads on her lampshade clicking quietly in the dark as I watched the stars come out on our ceiling.

… … …

Hey Girl!
Just had to write you tonight. Y.W.’s was awesome today. Sister Weston gave this totally great lesson on temple marriage and the spirit was so strong, you know? That’s totally what I want someday. We even wrote ourselves a letter to be opened on our wedding day. We just wrote down all the stuff we hoped our husbands would be and the stuff we hoped to have done and some advice and whatever. Afterwards we were looking at the pictures we just got back from girl’s camp this summer. They turned out so cute! There’s this crazy one of you and I from when we went cliff jumping at Big Toe – we’re holding hands in midair and you’re looking down at the water and I’m looking at you. It’s so weird ‘cause I know that like two seconds later we were both crashing into that nasty water in the dam but for just that one moment it was you and I holding on to each other and falling. It’s a cool pic. I think I might try and use it for my oil painting project in art. If it works out, I’ll send you a copy, ok?

Well, good night. Write me back soon! Your last e-mail about your new job was hilarious! I can’t wait for the next installment.

Luvs,
Maura
- posted by Charlotte @ 2:46 PM