Chapter 13 - Goats Love Chocolate
“Just when I thought it was safe to leave my office door open and the light on,” Paul grumbled as I knocked politely on the aforementioned door.

“Excuse me,” I said trying to sound like a humble knowledge-seeker, “I just have a question for you.”

“I have answered all questions already,” he said flatly and continued shoving his face full of Chinese take out that smells really really good.

Like usual, he didn’t answer any questions in Lab this morning but I’m not going to mention that. I’m trying to get on his good side here. “You don’t even know what I’m going to ask yet.”

“Don’t need to. I know I’ve already answered it.” He took another steaming bite and my mouth watered.

“If I could just have a minute, please?” Or at least an egg roll?

Making a show of setting the alarm on his geekishly huge watch he replied with a full mouth, “You have exactly sixty seconds. Go.” I just stared at him. “Fifty-nine, fifty-eight…”

“Okay, okay!” I interrupted him, even more flustered now. “I just want to know what I have to do for this next test to get an A.”

“Ah!” his face lit up. “I knew I already answered it. Don’t waste my time.”

“But I don’t remember…”

“I don’t do A’s,” he cut in. “Said it the first day of class.”

“Well of course you have to give some A’s, I mean according to the bell curve…”

“Bell was a statistical genius,” Paul interrupted me again, “and like most geniuses he is often misunderstood by the unwashed masses.” He stared hard at me to make sure I knew he included me in that. “Now there’s a guy I can really relate to.” Turning back to his computer it was obvious he thought our conversation was over.

“Well excuse me,” I said a little more forcefully and dropped my bag by my feet, just inside the narrow doorway. “I think I understand Bell’s theory and…”

Paul cut in again, this time with uproarious laughter. Seriously – social skills 101, Paul! “Bell’s not an actual person,” he giggled at his own joke, “the bell curve is named for its shape not it’s originator. That alone shows you don’t understand it.” Leaning back in his chair, he put his hands behind his head. “Let me elucidate you. The bell curve is simply a graph of the probability density of the standard normal distribution.”

“Simply?” I spluttered, my face still red. I really should have known that.

“All it means is that all conditions being equal, the chances of a given event fall within a certain distance of the statistical mean. And where you went wrong was assuming all conditions are equal. They’re not. My class isn’t like other classes. I don’t do A’s. They’re not just a statistical improbability in my class they’re a statistical impossibility.”

“But that’s not fair!” I gasped.

“The Geneva Convention doesn’t apply to you; you’re not a prisoner of war.”

“But…”

“Thanks for playing.”

I walked back out into the hallway where Gus was waiting for me. “How’d it go?”

“You’re right. He’s the devil.”

“What are you going to do now?”

“Study my butt off and prove him wrong, of course!”
………

“Are you sure they’re gone? All of them?” Jill whispered to me over her shoulder as she poked her head out of our door.

“That’s what Tex said when I was over there last night.” I tried to keep the grin off my face but couldn’t. I’d gone over after Family Home Evening for our weekly discussion of Sunday School and he’d invited me to stay and watch a movie. Which I did, of course. At first it was just Tex and I on the couch (sitting about three inches apart, not touching but almost, if you must know) but one by one all his roommates filtered out until everyone was camped out watching “You’ve Got Mail,” which is a total girl movie so don’t even ask me why they happen to own it. No joke. “He said they were all going to Kyle’s track and field meet to cheer him on.”

Jill winced as I mentioned cheering. “I know! And I have to cheer at the football game tonight so we’d better hurry if we’re going to get this done.” Pushing several rolls of tape up her arms like a utilitarian fashion statement - Barbie does UPS - she added, “You’re sure he didn’t just tell you that to trick you into getting us all up there and then creaming us with water balloons or something?”

“We watched them all drive away like ten minutes ago,” Jac strode boldly out of door, several bags full of colored paper stuffed under her arms. “All righty then! Everyone upstairs!”

“Even me?” Gus peeked around my shoulder, crowding Jill and I in the doorway.

“It was your idea, you’d better come,” I poked him.

“I don’t know,” he hesitated. “Isn’t this like breaking and entering?” I giggled as he added, “There’s a reason I still live at home with my mom you know.”

Jill, uncharacteristically reticent, agreed with him. “Weird Hair Boy’s got a point. Nathan says these pranks are illegal, not to mention really juvenile and lame. And he would know, he’s going to be a lawyer after all.”

“Yah,” Jac grinned, “if anyone would know about being lame it’s definitely Nate. Hate Nate!” She tacked on the last phrase like a rally cry and giggled as Jill frowned.

“Hey!” Gus interrupted, “My hair’s not weird.” He patted his newly lightened mop self-consciously.

“Not yours, Fabio,” Jill rolled her eyes and pointed to me. “I’m talking about what you did to hers.”

“Hey!” I started to protest but Jac cut me off.

“Have you all forgotten the Night of a Thousand Wet Rubber Snakes?” There were only about twenty. But still. Girl’s got a point. We really need to focus here. “Right. Mission on.”

Once we were all lined up in front of our door, Jill, finally getting into the spirit of things, resumed her usual post of giving orders. “Trin – you got the door?”

Trinity grinned and flicked a light blue library card. “Simple tumbler lock. Thanks to the serious cheapness of these apartments, we’ll be in under a minute, no problem.”

“Excellent,” Jill nodded, her ponytail bouncing and shining in the late afternoon sun. “Jac’s got the flowers, I’ve got the tape…are we missing anything?”

“I’ve got Gus!” I called, pulling him back out of the doorway.

“Let’s roll.”

………

Creeping up on an hour later, we were almost finished. From my lookout post at the back window I surveyed our handiwork. Every single wall of the main room in C301 was covered from about waist level on up with huge bright butcher paper flowers on a background of bright green paper. Chubby bumble bees with beaming smiles (courtesy of Jill) and slightly sadistic looking squirrels (courtesy of Trinity) tumbled through our cheery woodland scene.

Careful to keep one eye on the parking lot I commented, “Looks awesome guys! I think we really have a future in set design.”

“I don’t know,” Trinity said pensively, a large yellow daisy stuck incongruously on the back of her baggy black pants. “It’s not really up to our usual standard of evil, you know?”

“No, no,” Gus explained, “that’s the genius of it! Trust me, to a guy this will be ten times more cruel than anything involving bad food or reptiles.” He styled a tuft of paper grass to make it look like it was growing out of the couch, smiling happily. “This will be the perfect revenge, I promise!”

“I think Goldilocks is right,” Jac mumbled around a piece of tape in her mouth. “I’d hate living in this apartment for sure.”

“I dunno. I kind of like it. We could do something like this in our place! Except better and maybe on the ceiling.” Gus smiled with satisfaction. Between his nightly “study” visits and Darrel constantly coming over to “check up on” us, it’s like we have two new roommates. Maybe one of them should just buy out Andie’s contract and make it official.

Jill and Trinity had just finished hanging a lovely bunch of tissue-paper fuchsias from the light fixture in the center when I saw Darrel’s car turning into the parking lot. “Incoming!” I screamed. “We’ve got incoming!”

Jill and Trinity immediately tripped over each other as Gus helped me in the screaming department. Only Jac remained unfazed, methodically but quickly shoving all our tools into the plastic bag. “Remember what we rehearsed. We’re just going to casually walk out the front door and down to the parking lot where we will calmly get into our cars and meet up at the IHOP.”

I grabbed a pair of Brooklyn’s scissors and jammed them in my back pocket as Gus pulled out a black Sharpie. “What in Paul’s name are you doing?” I hissed and tugged on his arm.

“We’ve got to sign our work!” he huffed indignantly. “This is sheer artistry and I want credit where credit is due.” With that he walked up to a gigantic pink rose in the center of the main wall and wrote in large curly letters, “Gotcha! Y C201 & Gus.”

The guys were piling out of their cars now and I ran away from the window. “Ok, let’s go!” Jac closed the door behind us, making sure to lock it as we all ran down the stairs until we got to our own flight. “All right, now. Everyone take a deep breath and slowly go down the stairs. It took everything in me to keep my legs from bolting and the insane laughter from bubbling out of my chest.

“Hey, Kyle!” Jill chirped as we passed them on the stairs. “How’s your meet?”

“We won,” he answered gruffly, wiping the sweat off his forehead with the back of his arm.

“How are you?” Darrel asked Jill, the concern evident in his voice. “Do you need me to come over tonight? Because I can…” His voice trailed off as Jill kept going down the steps.

“Oh, thanks but I’ve got a date with Nathan tonight after the game. I won’t be home.” I winced at the heartbroken look on his face. Still though, it’s not like he hasn’t been warned.

Tex, the last in line, tipped his hat to each of us as we passed him finally asking me, “And what are you up to tonight, missy?”

“Um,” I nervously watched the girls and Gus getting ahead of me, “I was planning on going to the game with Jac to watch Jill cheer, I guess.”

“You want company?” he asked and ducked his head down, his hat shading my face from the late afternoon sunshine.

“Sure,” I grinned, “I didn’t know you like football.” He just shrugged and smiled at me. “I’ll come get you before we leave.”

I had just started down the last flight of stairs to the parking lot when I heard a loud bellow from above me. “What the - ?”

“Run!” I heard Jill scream and I jumped the last four steps, hitting the ground at a flat out sprint.
………

“So you’re sure this is like the real deal? An official date?” I watched Brooklyn carefully as she dug into the stack of pancakes we’d brought her back from the IHOP.

“What do you want – a flashing neon sign?” She took a dainty bite and then patted her lips with a napkin. “He asked if he could go with you to the football game. Just you, not the whole gang. Sounds like it to me.” I bounced gleefully on my bed. I have a date! I have a date! I have a date, hey, hey, hey, hey! “Okay, but you’re really going to have to rein that in unless you want to look like a total dork,” she waved her plastic spork at me.

She’s right of course but this is it – my first real actual official date! Aaagh! I mean, Tex and I have been hanging out and stuff for like two months now and of course there was The Hug but this will be the first time it will be just us doing something together, alone. And then it hit me – Jac! “What do I do about Jac?” I gasped to Brooklyn.

“Well don’t ditch her. The lamest thing a girl can do is drop her friends the second a guy asks her out. Remember that, Skipper.” She licked whip cream and strawberries off her finger and grinned. “In fact, you might even want to write that one down.”

“Don’t worry, Barbie,” I grinned back. “I write everything you say down.”

“Good, good,” She laughed. “As for Jac, just bring a friend for her. Heaven knows the girl could use it. I don’t think I’ve seen her go out on a single date this whole year so far.” Which in Brooklyn time is obviously forever.

“Who?” I asked. “Gus?” He’s pretty much the only guy friend I have although judging by the fact that he happily watches E! with us for hours at a time and never complains I doubt he’s really into football.

Brooklyn made a face and it was apparent she didn’t like that option any better than I did. “Well ask Tex to bring someone for her.” She giggled and said in a stage whisper, “Ask Darrel – just tell him he’ll get to watch Jill prance around the field for four hours and he’ll be there, rain or shine.”

I laughed, “Okay, okay. But now for the truly pressing question – what do I wear?”

“How did I know that was coming out of your mouth next?” Brooklyn sighed and put the take out box on her bed. “Think denim and school colors, Skipper…”

… … …

As I walked out the door to go get Tex, Brooklyn called to me from the couch where she was waiting for her date to come pick her up for a fancy night of dinner and the ballet in Salt Lake, “Oh, Skipper, remember to forget your jacket okay?”

“What?” I wrinkled my nose. “It’ll be freezing tonight! Don’t you mean - ?”

“I mean,” she interrupted, “how is he supposed to keep you warm if you’re not cold? That’s all I’m saying.”

Jac rolled her eyes and made an obvious show of grabbing her jacket. “Don’t even think about borrowing mine when you’re freezing your tail off,” she grumbled as I left my windbreaker hanging by the door.

“It’s my first date,” I whispered to her as we climbed the stairs. “I don’t want to screw anything up!”

“And you’re taking advice from the girl who goes through men like bulimics go through Little Debbies?”

“Well she hasn’t had to pay for a meal for pretty much the last two years so at least her way is economical!”

“Real nice,” she retorted as I knocked on C301’s door. “Have you drawn up a spreadsheet yet? What’s your soul worth and is it listed under assets or liabilities?”

“Hey,” I said indignantly, “I really like him!” And of course, this is exactly when Tex chose to open the door. “Oh, hi,” I mumbled trying to think of something not totally stupid to say to save myself. Instead I just blushed furiously thereby making the situation worse. Then I noticed the bright flowers still hanging from their light. “Wow, you haven’t torn down the garden yet. I’m surprised!”

“I kinda like it,” Tex shrugged, looking unlike himself in a plain sweatshirt, baseball cap and tennis shoes. “The other guys wanted to rip it off right away but I convinced ‘em to leave it for a bit. Place needed a touch of decorating if you ask me,” he winked.

“Yes, well,” I said still stunned, “it is very cheery!” The three of us stood awkwardly looking at each other for a moment.

“Well, we’re all ready here,” he broke the silence, his drawl making the last word two syllables. Before I could even ask who “we” were, Kyle appeared in the doorway, his face painted bright blue and white.

“What’s the hold up?” he barked, zipping up his blue track and field sweatshirt that practically matched Jac’s soccer sweatshirt. “If we hurry we can catch the end of the tail gating!”

“I like your war paint,” Jac said, the smile evident in her voice.

“Yeah?” Kyle replied, beaming ferociously through the garish colors. “Well, I’ve got more in my pocket if you want to put some on to.”

“Absolutely,” Jac grinned and I knew I wouldn’t be hearing any more from her about dating etiquette for the rest of the night.

“Nice call,” I whispered to Tex as we followed Jac and Kyle, who were already chanting loudly, out to the parking lot.

“No problem t’all, missy,” he laughed. “All I did was mention I was going with you and Jac and Kyle was all over it like a pig on slop.” Now it was Tex’s turn to blush, “Not that Jac is like slop of course.”

We arrived at Kyle’s car, somehow it was just decided he would drive. Tex held the door open for me and I climbed in. Yeah – did you catch that? Held the door open for me! Hee. As soon as the door shut, I winced at the acrid smell of sweat. It didn’t seem to bother Jac though as she blithely continued discussing this year’s starting lineup with Kyle. Tex just smiled at me and rolled down a window.

………

We won. I’ll skip all the boring football details for you and just get straight to the good part. There was a lot of jumping and hollering, mostly on Jac and Kyle’s part but even Tex and I got into it by the end. It was a good game and even Jac had to admit that Nathan had played well. Jill cheered her heart out but it was obvious, to us anyhow, her focus wasn’t the entire team.

“Well, they’ll have beautiful children,” Tex shrugged as we got back into the car after wading through twenty minutes of crowds and traffic.

I waited for Jac to mutter her signature hate Nate but instead she went back to rehashing the final call by some ref that she and Kyle had found very objectionable. “Beautiful rich children,” I added. “Nathan’s going to be a politician. Jill told me he’s going to start as a senator but he’s aiming for a cabinet position. The lawyer gig’s just to get him into the right circles.”

“Wow,” Tex said appreciatively as Jac and Kyle talked louder, “I could never do that – all that talkin’ and arguin’ in front of people. It’s hard enough just speaking in church, you know?” Really he’s asking the wrong girl. You know by now that my problem lies more in the making myself stop talking area but whatever.

“Yeah,” I said sympathetically. And then – are you ready – the good part happened! Yes, even better than the fact that our school has just won some game or the fact that Jill and Nathan are going to conquer the world or even that I am finally on a date. Tex held my hand. Yup, just like that. It happened so quickly I didn’t even have time to be nervous! So now we’re just sitting here, in the back of Kyle’s car, and Tex is holding my left hand in his right. Of course, now what do I do? I’m afraid to move for fear of breaking the spell of this moment! And yet, my arm is cramping up – it’s really in kind of an uncomfortable position. Can I say that? Can I just say excuse me but my arm is falling asleep, can we readjust? I can’t say that! Oh, but I should say something! I’ve been totally silent since he held my hand! What if he thinks I don’t like it? What if he thinks I’ve had a stroke and suddenly gone mute? I’ve got to say something. The weather! The weather is always safe, right?

“Wow, it’s um, really getting cold isn’t it?”

“Oh!” Tex let go of my hand. “I’m sorry! I didn’t even notice you’re cold. Here take my sweatshirt.” In a second he pulled it off and dropped it over my head. Now I’m swimming in gray fabric but I found the arm holes and pushed my arms out. As if it’s the most natural thing in the world, he takes my hand again. “All better, missy?”

A clean smell of soap and dryer sheets envelops me as I snuggle into his sweatshirt. “Thanks.” What else can I say?

………

“Turn left at the goat in the road,” I read off the hand-scrawled note I had found taped to our front door.

“Excuse me?” Jill interrupted, wrinkling her tiny nose. “I am not going anywhere that requires me to turn left at a goat.”

“That is exactly why we should go!” Trinity laughed. Making an exaggerated pout in the mirror as she darkened her mahogany lips she continued, “How often do you get anonymous notes taped to your door, much less one referring to livestock?”

As Jill appeared to be seriously considering Trinity’s question, Brooklyn snapped the paper out of my hand and quickly scanned it. Cocking her head so the expensive honey highlights in her hair caught the late sunlight pouring in she added, “Well, it does say we’ll have fun. See? Right here on the first line: ‘This All Hallow’s Eve, all fun and no fright, arrive at the boat dock by eight for a sight!’” A set of very complicated directions then followed, ending with the instruction regarding the goat.

“Besides, it isn’t really anonymous. It’s obviously from C301. That’s definitely Darrel’s handwriting.” I stared up at the silent ceiling.

Jill rolled her large aqua eyes, “That’s great. Not only is it Halloween but now they want us to meet them in some remote area of the wilderness? How dumb do they think we are? They’re probably going to dump us in the water and run or something.”

“That’s why you are bringing me, the Ha-Ah-Keek-Dey-Butts Judo master, Kimosabe!” Trinity hiked up her already short skirt and did a karate kick. “Yaaaaahhh!”

“Besides, it’s not like we had other plans for Halloween, right?” Jac spoke up for the first time since we’d found the note. “You have to admit, it’s a little intriguing. I mean, the note even rhymes – how long do you think they’ve been working on this?”

I had to agree with her. This was my first Halloween where I wouldn’t be either handing out candy at my parents’ house or at the Stake youth dance. I’m ready for an adventure – bring it on! I smiled at Jill, “Look, we can spend another night standing in the freezer section at the grocery store waiting to see if cryogenics works with headless chickens or we can take a chance. What have we got to lose really?”

Jill looked skeptical, obviously going through our history with C301. “Besides,” Jac winked at her sister, “this sounds exactly like something you would do. The Jill I grew up with would never be afraid of a little goat.”

“Fine.” She pressed her lips together tightly, “But if we end up soaking wet and covered with leaches in a drainage pond in the middle of the night I’m holding you responsible.”

At seven thirty we all piled in Trinity’s tiny silver geo. Trinity sat in the driver’s seat, her hands on the fuzzy pink steering wheel emblazoned with the word “freak” in silver glitter. She had lined her eyes and heaped on the smoky eye shadow making them look like two burning coals sunk in the pale backdrop of her skin. Even more goth than usual, she wore a tight low-cut black corset and a shredded tulle skirt over her jeans.

“The note didn’t mention costumes,” Jill remarked as she climbed in behind Trinity. “Not to mention we’re going to the middle of nowhere, not some nightclub.”

“It’s Halloween.” Trinity smiled happily and turned up the radio. “Wait, let me guess... you’re going as a Trust Fund Baby? You know Jill that’s a real stretch for you. Maybe next year you can branch out to Trophy Wife.”

Jill glared at her as Brooklyn climbed in the backseat, decked out in full makeup with hair straight from a Pantene commercial. Jac sandwiched Jill in the middle of the backseat, sliding in from the other door. “I’m a soccer player,” she grinned and pointed to her U State Soccer sweatshirt and running pants.

“Very clever, no one will recognize you,” I laughed and climbed in the passenger seat. As I was still holding the note, I was nominated official navigator and therefore got the much coveted shotgun position. Which is slightly ironic for two reasons. First, I’m the shortest of the group and now have the most leg room and second, I am and have always been directionally dyslexic. Once I drove us halfway to Reno while trying to drop a friend off at the Salt Lake City airport. But that’s another story.

“What are you supposed to be then, huh?” Jac retorted as we pulled out into the cool fall night and headed out into the valley.

“I’m invisi-girl. I don’t need a costume, trust me these clothes are as good as camouflage.”

“Been working on that one a long time, eh?” Trinity smirked. Only like my whole life.

Now, being from the general area, you would think I would know where we were going but all of us were surprised to find ourselves on a winding dirt road in the middle of the wetlands. I know what you are thinking – wetlands in Utah? Isn’t it a desert? The answer would be yes and yes. Cache Valley has a large, beautifully protected bird-wildlife preserve with an intricate set of winding canals and streams that, according to the official brochure, are perfect for all kinds of adventures from canoeing to bird watching to fishing. All of which sound extremely thrilling to me on a Friday night.

Trinity turned down the CD that was thumping at an ear-splitting level in a rhythm just faster than my heartbeat. I was grateful as it always leaves me with the disconcerting feeling of someone trying to perform CPR on me while I’m still breathing. “Oh my gosh, what is that smell?! Chickie, you’re sick, girl!” She gasped, rolling down her window. Anyone from farm country knows that was a mistake. The odor came rolling in in waves, permeating the whole car.

“Hellooooo! Like that’s me! We’re downwind from a dairy farm, Paris,” I retorted as Jill tried to climb over her to roll up the window again.

All the commotion almost made us nearly hit the goat. Yes, that goat – the one of left turn infamy. Trinity slammed on the brakes, sending me flying into the dashboard. We slid on the dirt road, kicking up a cloud of dust and ended up almost parallel to the aforementioned mammal, who thankfully was unhurt. Which really is a blessing since we are apparently going to need him to find our way home seeing as he is the only distinguishing landmark in the area.

After the screaming stopped and everyone was back in their seats, we surveyed the scene. The goat stood squarely in the left fork of the road, tethered to a small juniper and looking mildly amused. He eyed us and we eyed him until it became obvious who was in control of this situation: him.

Finally Brooklyn cleared her throat, “Ok, then, turn left Trin!”

“I can’t. At least not without running over that thing,” she tossed over her shoulder, unwilling to take her eyes off it even for a second. I don’t blame her. The goat is licking his lips now, apparently relishing the confrontation. I’m no expert on goats but this one looks capable of serious mischief.

Brooklyn, always the problem solver, suggested helpfully, “Skipper, you’re a country girl. Why don’t you get out and just, you know, move it out of the way.”

My eyebrows shot up. “Um, hi, while I have actually seen a farm before, which seems to be more experience than you have, I’m no ‘country girl’. For pity’s sake, my dad’s a teacher. Of computers.”

“I dunno Chickie, he’s definitely looking at you. I think you should at least try and talk to him,” Trinity offered.

“That’s only because he’s on my side of the car!” I turned to face her. “Besides, you were in 4-H just like I was – you’ve seen as much ‘farm’ as I have!”

“You were in 4-H?” Jill guffawed as Trinity yelled, “I swore you to secrecy on that!”

“Here, you can use my sweatshirt.” Brooklyn handed me her expensive yellow sweatshirt over the seat.

“What am I supposed to do with this?” I screeched, feeling a little unnerved both from being elected the goat diplomat and because the thing really is looking at me. Except now he looks like he’s laughing. Man, where’s Tex when I need him?

“You know, distract it and then while you’re entertaining the goat we’ll sneak past.”

“What kind of dumb plan is that? You think yellow is to goats like red is to bulls or something? Besides while you guys are ‘sneaking’ on by he’s having my good hiking pants for lunch!”

“I don’t think goats really eat clothing,” Jill broke in. “Wasn’t there some kind of animal planet special about this?”

“Well, if you know so much about it,” I started. Trinity cut me off with a long loud blast of her horn that caused the four of us to stop arguing temporarily as we had to find where our skins fell when we jumped out of them.

The goat budged not an inch and I swear he winked at me.

“Hmmm…well, it was worth a shot.” Trinity shrugged.

Silence filled the car. The sun was behind the mountains, making the grass and water shimmer as the stars came out. Sighing, I realized the dark wasn’t going to help the situation any so I bit the bullet and climbed out of the car.

“Just remember this is how much I love you guys.” I faced the goat. “Ok, goat. Move.” Nothing. I waved my arms wildly. Still nothing. Mooing at him got his attention but only in the let’s-watch-the-crazy-lady-to-see-what-she’ll-do-next kind of way. I even tried waving the yellow sweatshirt in large loops and turning like a bullfighter. The goat thought that was great and planted his hairy behind in the dirt like he was watching the FFA version of Cirque du Soleil. He probably would have even clapped when I finished if his hands hadn’t been of the cloven variety. Then – a flash of brilliance. “Trinity, give me your gum!”

She rummaged through her car. “Which kind would you like? I’ve got mint, bubbleyum…ooh, and a tootsie pop! You want that too?”

“Actually, the sucker will be great.”

“It’s chocolate though. That’s the gross flavor. I don’t even know why they make chocolate tootsie pops. Nobody eats them anyhow. I mean, the center is already chocolate…”

I interrupted her. “It’s not for me! It’s for the goat! And I don’t think he cares about chocolate overload.”

She handed me the sucker out the window. As soon as the goat saw the candy he stood up. The crinkling of the paper as I took it off brought him even closer and I could see his beady little eyes lighting up with glee. I waved it in his face, letting him get a good whiff of all the chocolaty goodness and then stepped back. He followed! I continued until I backed clear up into the tree. As soon as his little hooves were safely off the road, Trinity drove the geo around him. I let him take the sucker and then jumped in the car. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw the goat sitting under his juniper, lollipop stick hanging indelicately from his lips with the look of love in his eyes.

We went down a small hill and around the bend to see a dirt field with about fifteen cars parked in it. We chose a spot at the end and got out. A small path, nothing more than a cow trail really, took us several hundred feet through brush and small trees to the boat dock at the water’s edge. And who was there to meet us? None other than Kyle. He waved at us but said nothing. Kyle, a hammer thrower, is a big guy to begin with but standing silhouetted against the darkening sky, in the midst of the dwarf trees with the rickety dock behind him he looked every bit a fairy-tale giant guarding some secret castle. I shivered and looked over my shoulder but there was nothing to see except the fading outline of the mountains against the sky.

We ran down to meet him calling out various questions as we pushed the tree branches back and tried not to trip over their shallow roots.

“What’s going on?” “Sorry we’re late!” “Where is everybody?” And of course, “What’s with the goat?”

He merely shook his head, teeth flashing in the dark as he grinned at us. Then, turning towards the water he lifted a flashlight, turning it on and off several times in quick succession. A pause and then a similar flash replied from far across the water. It wasn’t long before my ears began to discern a rhythmic sluicing sound coming towards us on the water. A small canoe bumped up against the dock, manned by Darrel, of course. If Kyle was the giant, then Darrel was the mischievous wood elf. He too said nothing and only grinned at us but even in the dark I could see the glint in his eyes. His long curly hair was wild in the night wind and he held the oar like it just might have magic powers for all we knew. Darrel indicated we should climb in.

Jill huffed, “I’m not getting in a canoe in the dark! Especially not with you guys.”

“Whatever,” Trinity said matter-of-factly, “I didn’t drive all the way out here for nothing. C’mon Chickie.” She pushed me in front of her towards the canoe.

I shrugged to Jac, “Well, at least it’s not a drainage pond!” To tell the truth, the beauty of the crisp night and the novelty of the situation has peaked my interest and I climbed eagerly into the canoe. I don’t care if I do end up swimming, even that possibility seems romantic and exciting.

The canoe was small and old so I settled on the floor. The sun completely gone, the cold air swirled around me, pouring over the sides of the canoe. I leaned back against Darrel’s legs, grateful for the warmth seeping through my thin jacket. Trinity sat at the other end on the floor facing me. Jac, Brooklyn and Jill, who had apparently decided that staying dockside alone would be worse than in the lake with the rest of us, climbed into a second canoe that Kyle pulled out of the rushes. Picking up the oar, he pushed off and their canoe quickly disappeared into the night. Darrel, muttering something about this being his twentieth run tonight and didn’t we know he played Ultimate and not crew, pushed off also. We were quickly alone on the water as Darrel’s Frisbee physique was no match for Kyle’s powerful arms in this event.

The canoe rode low in the water and I trailed my fingers in the water, surprised at how warm it still felt. Have you ever been to the Middle of Nowhere? You should really try it sometime. People talk about it like it’s a fate worse that Paul’s biology lectures but really it has an energy unto itself. The white noise of the water and the insects makes a quiet so perfect that it permeates every part of you with an absolute peacefulness that I have rarely felt before. And, oh, you should see the stars! Not the ordinary everyday stars you can see from anywhere but the stars that only come out when there are no city lights to compete with. There’s a full moon tonight surrounded by a virtual cloud of glittering dust. Here a bluish star winks, there a pinkish one dazzles, and then an orangey one grabs my attention until my eyes ache from trying to take it all in. The protective ring of the Rocky Mountains borders the sky - now a large pool with shimmery gems sinking in the clear water, mirroring the one we are sailing across. The stars reflect from the sky onto the still water and then back up again until we are sailing through a sphere of liquid light.

We didn’t exactly run into a bank but were simply slowed by the ever-thickening water weeds until Darrel could paddle no further. I was fully prepared to wade, Reepicheep-like to the end of this shining world but then Kyle appeared at the side of the canoe. He helped me stand up first, steadying the canoe with one hand and me with the other.

“Climb on.” The first words he’d spoken all night. He added gruffly, “Unless you want to get wet.” I’m not usually the kind to jump on some guy’s back at the slightest invitation, but I didn’t even hesitate before climbing out of the boat and onto Kyle. I struggled to get my legs around his wide back and if he hadn’t held on to me I’m sure I would have fallen straight back into the black water. He settled me on his back and carried me through the rushes to solid ground, dropping me at the edge of what appeared to be an island. “Come get me when you want to leave and I’ll take you back. And be careful around the edges; it’s hard to see where the land stops and the muck starts.” Then he disappeared back into the soft darkness to get Trinity. I waited until I could no longer hear the sucking-splashing of his steps and then turned around.

I scrambled up a small hillside ending up by an old duck hunting blind. Looking around I realized I was on a large island in the middle of the lake. I’m impressed; I didn’t even know there were islands this big in the wetlands or even lakes for that matter. I’ve been canoeing many times in this area and explored one winding waterway after another and have never run into a place like this before.

“Wow,” Trinity breathed over my shoulder, “this is crazy!”

“Hey! Over this way!” Darrel appeared by my side and I vaguely wondered if Kyle had given him a piggyback ride also. He bounded off into the brush, using the canoe paddle like a walking stick. After another short climb, we headed down into a small valley of sorts ringed by scrubby trees. In the center of the valley a huge bonfire, made up of pallets, was screaming into the sky. You’ve seen a pallet fire, right? It’s the kind of fire that makes the indigo darkness inky black and casts so many weird shadows that you creep ever closer to it even though it’s so hot you’re best served at least twenty feet away. As we got nearer, some of the shadows condensed into what I first guessed to be fauns, nymphs and perhaps other mythical creatures cavorting in the red light (after all, what could be more fitting?) but then realized, to my disappointment, were only human like myself.

Trinity had run off into the crowd and I hadn’t yet located Brooklyn, Jac or Jill so I headed off around the large circumference of the fire ring until I found a comfortable spot where I could warm myself. Every few minutes I’d have to rotate though because I was standing so close to the fire that while one side was scorching, the other side was freezing. It’s ok though because this particular roasting method gives me the opportunity to watch the scene around me. Turn. A guy juggling hot coals with his bare hands, much to the enjoyment of the small crowd around him. Turn. Two people dueling on guitars, one of them with a voice so hauntingly melodic that I’m sure I would have bought a CD if I’d been at his gig or thrown him five dollars if I’d seen him on the street. Turn. Several girls trying to strip a branch off a live tree so they could carve it into a marshmallow roaster, oblivious to the fact that to roast marshmallows without singeing off all their arm hair they’d have to cut down the whole tree. Turn. Darrel.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” He bounced eagerly on his feet. “You like our little party?”

“Little? I think half the school’s here! This rocks! Thanks for the invite. It’s really great.” I know I’m gushing but seriously – once in a lifetime experience!

“Well I think we got most of the ward here at least.” I could tell he was blushing from the way he ducked his head. “Yeah, you’re welcome. It is pretty neat. Tex and I found it while we were fishing. Thought it would be a great place for a party, although we wondered if y’all would come.”

I shrugged, “Jill didn’t want to but the rest of us talked her into it. Just don’t throw her to the leeches and it’ll be all good.”

He cleared his throat. “So, speaking of Jill, have you seen her lately?” Knowing it would embarrass him I hid my smile behind my hand.

“Hmm, sorry. But is there something you want me to tell her when I see her?”

“No!” he almost shouted. “I mean, uh, you were actually the one I wanted to talk to anyways.” He jammed his hands nervously in his pockets and looked around. Me? I wondered briefly if he knew what bad taste it was to try and date roommates but my ego was speedily deflated as he continued, “You see, um, there’s something, well, something really important that I need to talk to her about and I was hoping you could help me.” He’s acting seriously weird. I grinned - this should be good! “You know, to make sure I don’t sound like an idiot or something. I mean, this is Jill.”

Ah, so that was the crux of it. The way he said her name said it all: a mixture of awe, respect, attraction and raw fear. Frankly, his caution is reasonable; Jill is a formidable creature and, truthfully, makes us all feel like idiots on a semi-regular basis.

Stubbing the toe of his boot into the dirt he started, “Well, uh, you might not know this but I’ve, uh, been interested in Jill for, um, a long time.” His voice was getting quieter with every word he spoke.

“Well, I had some idea.” Some idea? It couldn’t have been more obvious if it had come on the ten o’clock news. Did he really think we believed all home teachers visit on a daily basis?

He nodded distractedly. “So tonight’s the big night.” He mopped the sweat off his forehead. “I’m going to just, you know, lay it all out. Tell her exactly how I feel. It’s time, don’t you think?” Wow, if he’s having this hard of a time just telling me then telling her might very well kill him.

“Um, sure, if you want to.” I tried to be noncommittal. Jill knows how he feels and, despite all of our romantic suggestions to the contrary, isn’t very receptive to the idea. Make that not receptive at all.

Relief spilled out onto his face and he lit up with a huge grin. “Well, ok then! Thanks!” He ran off into the night again, presumably to find Jill.

I went off in the opposite direction with the vague notion of finding Jill to give her a heads-up so she could prepare herself and hopefully think of some kind way to let him down. Instead, I ran into Trinity and quickly filled her in.

“Chickie, you told him to go for it?” Her laughter suddenly made me feel guilty. “You know how Jill feels about him. It’ll be ugly.” She cackled evilly, “This is going to rock!”

“Really?” I played with the sleeves on my sweatshirt. “Maybe she’ll change her mind…” The night certainly seems romantic enough to me.

Trinity gave me a withering look. “She’s going to squash poor sweet Darrel like a bug and you know it.” I shook myself. Of course she was. Trinity was right.

“Not if I get to Jill first!” I ran off into the night.

“Oooh! Front row tickets! I love how your mind works!” She called out, following me. As luck would have it, we found Brooklyn first.

“And it’s a darn good thing you did too ‘cause I happen to know exactly where Jill is,” Brooklyn said giving us her half-smile that I’ve come to know means she knows more than she’s saying. “Excuse me for a minute,” she said sweetly to the tall-dark-and-handsome she had hanging all over her. She walked away from the fire to a more private spot.

I stared bug-eyed at the hunky guy, elbowing Trinity. “We’ve only been here like 45 minutes! How did …?”

“I’ve found it’s just better not to ask,” she replied rolling her eyes. “Guys go to Brooklyn like goats to chocolate tootsie pops.” Apt comparison, I’d say. “I’ve never met a guy immune to Brooklyn’s charms but if I do I’m going to have to marry him on the spot on the off chance he just caught her in bad lighting.”

“So where is she?” I asked when caught up with Brooklyn.

“And what’s with all the secrecy?” Trinity demanded.

Brooklyn crossed her arms over her chest and looked pointedly at a small grove of trees well outside the periphery of the firelight. It took my eyes a minute to adjust but when they did I saw Jill wrapped up tight in a football sweater that apparently came with its own starter. Nathan.

“What are they doing?” I asked, unable to peel my eyes away from them.

“Macking.” The approval was apparent in Trinity’s voice.

Like the crazy voyeurs we are, we kept watching. “Now what are they doing?” I pondered aloud.

“Still macking,” Brooklyn said coolly.

“Really?” I squinted and then shook myself. “What are we doing? Darrel could show up at any second!”

“Yeah!” Trinity said as if that were the coolest thing that could possibly happen.

“But Jill doesn’t know that!” I gasped.

“So get in there and tell her then,” Trinity laughed. “I dare you.”

“There’s no way I’m getting in the middle of that,” I started but was interrupted by a change in the amorous couple. Jill stepped back from Nathan and they appeared to be talking. Or shouting. At least Nathan was. Jill turned to walk away and he grabbed her arm and pulled her back, saying something soft and low. Whatever it was, it had an impact as I watched Jill crumple.

“Now what are they doing?” I asked.

“Fighting,” Brooklyn sighed.

“I can’t hear them!” Trinity hissed, crouching low and stepping through the scrub trees.

I looked at Brooklyn who just shrugged and followed Trinity. Ah, what the heck – why stop spying now? Besides, you’re dying to know what they’re saying too, admit it!

“…but I didn’t mean it that way, you know that!” Jill’s voice had a tone to it I’d never heard before and it made my stomach clench.

“It doesn’t matter what you mean, the fact is you look like a little slut out there and it’s just not fitting for my future wife.” Nathan’s voice was stern and cold. I could easily imagine him arguing in front of a jury. Exhibit 1: distraught cheerleader.

Trinity and Brooklyn let out a collective gasp and just as I was trying to decide which was more shocking – the fact that he called her a slut or the fact that he called her his future wife – Jill replied. “I’m sorry, honey, I didn’t mean for you to look bad. Seriously, that’s the last thing I’d want.”

“She’s apologizing to him?” Trinity growled and Brooklyn just covered her mouth.

“Besides, this is for your own protection. I don’t like the thought of you being ogled by thousands of leering men every night. I’m only saying this because I love you.” He put his arm around her and drew her close to him.

“It’s just,” Jill stammered, “I mean, I’ve been on the squad for two years now and I really love it…”

“Do you love me?” he cut her off.

“Of course I do, you know that.”

“Then do this for me. I wouldn’t ask it of you if I didn’t think it was for the best. We’re talking about our future here, Jilly.” He stroked her cheek with a tender hand. “Right?”

“Right,” she answered dully and I could see the tears shining on her cheeks in the moonlight.

“So you’ll quit the squad?” After a long pause, she nodded mutely. “Say it.” His voice gave me chills.

“I’ll quit.”

I stared open mouthed at Trinity who was no longer smiling. Shaking her head at me, she pointed back in the direction from where we’d come. Once back in the clearing by the fire she clasped her hands to her face and screamed, “Oh. My. G - ”

“Trinity!” Brooklyn cut her off before she could finish.

“Golly gee willikers!” Trinity finished. “Is that better?”

Brooklyn looked coldly at Trinity, “Can we argue about your cursing problem later? We’ve got, like, a total crisis on our hands here. What are we going to do?”

“Do we tell Jac?” I whispered, looking over my shoulder at Jill and Nathan.

Trinity followed my glance, “Don’t worry about them. It’s make-up macking. They’ll be occupied for awhile.”

“No,” Brooklyn said firmly. “Jac would kill Nathan, first of all. And secondly, she’s going to find out soon enough.”

“Where is she anyhow?” Normally Jac sticks to Jill like tree sap in hair. Come to think of it, I haven’t her since we got here.

“With Kyle,” Brooklyn smiled and pointed at the two sitting on a log some distance from us, their forms cast in stark relief by the leaping flames. The silence stretched out as the three of tried to process everything that was happening.

“Hate Nate,” I summed it up in two perfect words.

“Hate Nate!” Brooklyn and Trinity echoed.

Footsteps. All three of us turned at once to see Darrel lumbering determinedly towards us. I broke out into an all out run towards him. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do when I got to him but I knew he must be stopped. Pulling up just short of him, I huffed breathlessly, “Wait, wait.” Brooklyn and Trinity were right behind me.

“What’s up? Did you find Jill?” The look of dumb, hopeless confusion on his face almost broke my heart.

“Um yeah, she’s here. But there’s something you should know first.”

“What?” He was still smiling pleasantly. This is not going to be fun.

“I love you.” Brooklyn said it with just the perfect amount of trembling hesitancy in her voice, even dropping her eyes as if she were a little embarrassed of her declaration.

“What??” Trinity shrieked for both of us, as I was still too stunned to speak.

“I’m in love with you. And I know that you like Jill but I’ve been into you for a really, really,” she bit her lip appealingly, “really long time and I really think you should hear me out first.”

Darrel was still staring pop-eyed at Brooklyn. “Well,” he swallowed loudly, “I guess we should talk.”

They walked away from us as Trinity and I stood dumbfounded in the knee-high grass. After a couple of minutes Darrel walked away and Brooklyn came waltzing back over to us.

“What happened?”

“What did you say?”

“And why is he leaving?” Trinity and I tripped over each other to ask all the questions that needed answers.

“Excuse me but I just had a very traumatic break up here. Aren’t you at least going to ask how I am?” Brooklyn looked appropriately sad.

“Ok, fine. How are you?” I offered.

“Heartbroken.” She wiped a fake tear off her cheek then laughed, jumping up and down. “I was so totally great! You should have seen me! He bought the whole story. I even convinced him not to talk to Jill tonight because she knows of my feelings for him and wouldn’t want to hurt me! It was soooo perfect, thank you very much. Darrel’s heart will live to be broken another day.”

“Too bad we can’t say the same about Jill’s,” I sighed.

………

Heya Girl,
Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve written but I’ve been so busy what with studying for the SATs, school, and my new boyfriend. Ha ha! Yes, yours truly has a boyfriend at last. Chris and I made it official after the homecoming dance (nice of you to stop by for a minute, by the way) with a kiss. I got my first kiss! So call me ‘cause I’m dying to tell you all about it.

I hope you’re good and not dying under all that homework. Take a break you crazy girl and live a little okay? That’s an order!

Luvs,
Maura
- posted by Charlotte @ 10:13 PM